


Mmm Watcha Say?

by CryptidBois



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Chatting & Messaging, Everyone Is Gay, Kags needs to chill, Kenmas Sexuality????, M/M, Matsukawa and Hanamaki are great, Memes, Misuse of Iwaizumi Hajime's arms, Oiks needs to chill, Rip Semi 2K17, Rip Semi a new asshole, Shirabu is Vanilla AF, There may be some weed, Yahaba and Shirabu salt off, shitpost, which ones Hanamaki???, which ones Matsukawa???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-12-25 02:03:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 30,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12025773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CryptidBois/pseuds/CryptidBois
Summary: SugawaraCUSHi has made a new chat: The Pretty Setter SquadKozuKitten: Oh god, no one asked for this





	1. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SaltierThanU: Guys shut up, it isn't Tobio's fault he's an idiot
> 
> Milkman: You wanna fuckin' fight Shirabu?? Too bad your idiot first year isn't in love with you like you wish
> 
> SugawaraCUSHi: Did... Did Kageyama just get S A L T Y ???
> 
> KozuKitten: So salty the ocean would be considered fresh water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not asked for but yet here it is! Enjoy it, mos tof this fic will probably be inspired from my groupchat bc its fuckin' lit

**_SugawaraCUSHi_** _Has made a new chat:_ **_The Pretty Setter Squad_ ** _and has invited_ **_KozuKitten, Tooru'sAngels, SaltierThanU, Don'tGiveAHoot, Milkman,_ ** _and_ **_SemiSemi_ **

**KozuKitten:** Oh god, nobody asked for this.

 **Tooru'sAngels:** Koushi... What is this?!

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Sugawara, I believe this is an excellent idea

 **SugawaraCUSHi:** I agree Akaashi! I think it's best if we all got to know each other!

 **SaltierThanU:** Fuck off Oikawa

 **SemiSemi:** Three laps, watch your moth Shirbau

 **Tooru'sAngels:** M o t h

 **Tooru'sAngels:** Shirbau is that like Shirabae?

 **SemiSemi:** You're going to regret this Koushi, I feel it.

_[3:00 a.m.]_

**Tooru'sAngels:** Do y'all think I can chug this red bull and run around Miyagi?

 **SemiSemi:** W T F ????!!!!!!

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Why are you two awake?! It's three a.m!

 **KozuKitten:** I think there's something wrong with 'Tooru'sAngels'

 **Tooru'sAngels:** Dudes, dudes, I'm running and texting, this is fucking amazing, oh my god.

 **SaltierThanU:** WHY THE FUXK ARE YOU AWAKE ITS 3 FUCKING AM GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

 **Tooru'sAngels:** IM AT SHITITORIZAWA COME FIGHT ME SHIRABU

 **SemiSemi:** I'll take him home, gn everyone

 

_[7:00 a.m.]_

**Milkman:** What.... is... this??

 **Milkman:** Why didn't all this spam wake up Suga this morning.

 **SugaCUSHi:** Bc unlike some idiots I silence my phone at night you fuckin losers

 **Tooru'sAngels:** Hey guys, this is Iwaizumi, thanks Semi for taking this idiot home. He's going to be with me all day so he won't respond to... whatever this is.

 **KozuKitten:** They're totally boning each other.

 **Milkman:** Oikawa??? and Iwazumi????? nah

 **SugawaraCUSHi:** ...

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** ....

 **SemiSemi:** ....

 **SaltierThanU:** Guys shut up, it isn't Tobio's fault he's an idiot

 **Milkman:** You wanna fuckin' fight Shirabu?? Too bad your idiot first year isn't in love with you like you wish

 **SugawaraCUSHi:** Did... Did Kageyama just get S A L T Y ???

 **KozuKitten:** So salty the ocean would be considered fresh water

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Kenma this is the most you've ever really spoken, aren't you playing a game? Also Semi, what happened to 'Tooru'sAngels'?

 **KozuKitten:** Meh

 **SemiSemi:** Oh, it turns out Oikawa was studying and was downing energy drinks. Our teams may hate each other but I'd hate to see such an amazing setter get hurt.

 **SaltierThanU:** Semi ur not salty enough for this chat gtfo

 **SemiSemi:** Don't get your dick in a twist Shirabu, afterall I'd hate for Goshiki to have to deal with something smaller than it already is.

 **Milkman:** ....??? I don't get it ??????

 **SugawaraCUSHi:** Oh my God Kageyama, when things get tied they look smaller!!!

 **SaltierThanU:** That wasn't even clever you bloody butt plug

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** It's sad when your teammate likes someone from another team more than you

_**SugawaraCUSHi** Changed **SemiSemi's** name to **BloodyButtPlug**_

_**BloodyButtPlug** left this chat_

**KozuKitten:** No escape

_**KozuKitten** added **BloodyButtPlug** to the chat: **Pretty Setter Squad**_

**BloodyButtPlug:** I don't like you anymore, you've broken the third year setter bond, I've been betrayed.

 **Milkman:** #MoreDramaticThanOikawaTooru

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Don't you all have classes??? GTFO of the chat and pay attention

[3:00 p.m.]

 **SugawaraCUSHi:** Akaashi is more of a mother than me

 **Tooru'sAngels:** SAVE ME

 **Tooru'sAngels:** I'LL STOP

 **Tooru'sAngels** : J

 **KozuKitten:** Kuroo say's good riddance (in regards to Oikawa)

 **SaltierThanU:** I need assistance as well, Goshiki keeps asking me to toss to him.

 **Milkman:** I hate you, but I agree, assistance is needed here too. Mom?

 **SugawaraCUSHi:** omw Kags

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Are we ignoring the fact he called you mom?

**_BloodyButtPlug_ ** _changed_ **_SugawaraCUSHi's_ ** _name to_ **_Mom_ **

**SaltierThanU:** I'm impressed you know technology Semi

 **BloodyButtPlug:** I'll tell Ushijima to partner you with Goshiki the whole practice under the grounds of 'He's the front line setter and Goshiki is to become the ace' and you damn well know that Ushijima's small peanut brain will agree with me

 **Toor'sAngels:** Oh damn, well deserved mother fucker

 **SaltierThanU:** Oh look, I'm Oikawa Tooru and I think my childhood friend is hot af but he won't see me as anything more than an annoying, bratty, spoiled and entitled asshole.

 **Mom:** This... This is getting too intense, y'all need to go to practice.

**_Tooru'sAngels_ ** _Kicked_ **_SaltierThanU_ ** _from the chat_ **_Pretty Setter Squad._ **

**Tooru'sAngels:** He can come back later.


	2. Let's Talk Captains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tooru'sAngels has added Shigeru to the chat Pretty Setter Squad
> 
> Don'tGiveAHoot: Yahaba is a town in Iwate Prefecture, Japan. As of 1 April 2017, the town had an estimated population of 27,293, and a population density of 405.4 persons per km² in 10,131 households. The total area of the town is 67.28 square kilometres
> 
> Don'tGiveAHoot: Weather is currently18°C (64°f), Wind N at 4 mph (6 km/h), 93% Humidity, hotels are a 3-star average with starting prices at a mean of $122
> 
> Shigeru: What circle of hell have i entered??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with this!!! This is a somewhat serious chapter but don't worry, jokes will ensue!

_**Mom** has added **SaltierThanU** to **Pretty Setter Squad**_

**Mom:** Let's talk about our mother fucking captains.

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Yes. Lets.

 **Milkman:** You're typing more agitated today than normal Akaashi

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Oh gee KaGAYama, I've had to put up with ANOTHER practice match between Nekoma and Fukurodani.

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Oh my God this is great!

 **_BloodyButPlug_ ** _changed_ **_Milkman's_ ** _name to_ **_KaGAYama_ **

**SaltierThanU:** I have to agree with Semi on this one, this is fucking gold.

 **KaGAYama:** Instead of Captain can i talk about Hinata?

 **Tooru'sAngels:** How about instead of Captains we talk about Shirabu's lack of love live because Goshiki is too pure for him

 **SaltierThanU:** I DON'T LIKE HIM JFCJGYHJKM

 **Mom:** Akaashi, you're dating Bokuto right?

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** No, no I am not Sugawara, thank you for reminding me how much more into Kuroo he is than me.

 **KozuKitten:** Akaashi... You do realize that Kuroo is with Tsukishima, right?

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** lmao

 **KaGAYama:** This isn't good is it?

 **Mom:** You don't know us well Akaashi, but why not explain your situation?

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Ignor eit

 **BloodyButtPlug:** I've never seen this kid make a spelling error, how do we know he's okay?

 **Tooru'sAngels:** He's fine, Akaashi let me give you my address we can get high togehter

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : Omw

 **Mom:** Bokuto's going to kill you Tooru, does Iwaizumi know you do this??

 **Tooru'sAngels:** He's the reason I smome Mr. Refreshing.

_**Mom** has added **Memesukawa** and **Hanameme** to **Pretty Setter Squad**_

**Memesukawa:** This is lit af

 **Hanameme:** I'm disappointed in you Memesun

 **SaltierThanU:** No. No. Nonononononononono these two fucks can eat my ass

 **Hanameme:** Is that??? an??? Invitation???? Shirabu-chan????!!!!

 **Memesukawa:** oh la la~ Shittytorizawa fucks are here?

 **BloodyButtPlug:** These two assholes are as bad as Tendou

 **Mom:** Oh god... That's really saying something, anyways i added you two because we need to tlak about Oikawa getting high

 **Memesukawa:** High af

 **Hanameme:** 420

 **Mom:** This was a mistake.

 **Hanameme:** To answer you, yes we knew, yes we know the reason, and that reason is bc he's our captain and we love him and we will not divulge any personal secrets without his consent, or if it could incriminate him anyway.

 **KaGAYama:** Did one of the meme duo just make sense??

 **Memesukawa:** Makki is going to be a lawyer

 **SaltierThanU:** W T F ????

_**Mom** has kicked **Memesukawa** and **Hanameme** from the **Pretty Setter Squad**_

**Mom:** Anyways, is it okay if we get serious here for a moment?

 **KaGAYama:** Is this about you and captain?

 **SaltierThanU:** Well I'm out, I don't need this.

 **BloodyButtPlug:** I suppose I can stay and help, I have some issues of my own I'd like to get off my chest.

 **KozuKitten:** You all are hoes, this was supposed to be a light hearted chat, but go ahead.

 **Mom:** Daichi has been acting weird, I confronted him about it and he yelled at me and stormed off!

 **Mom:** I mean it's no secret I like him! I've basically said it to his face but he's too dense!

 **Tooru'sAngels:** Let me add my little kouhai to this chat (Yahaba) then imma be afk again bc Keiji is here and it is a p a r t y

 **KozuKitten:** What's a Yahaba?

 ** _Tooru'sAngels_** _has_ _added_ ** _Shigeru_** _to the chat_ ** _Pretty Setter Squad_**

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Yahaba is a town in Iwate Prefecture, Japan. As of 1 April 2017, the town had an estimated population of 27,293, and a population density of 405.4 persons per km² in 10,131 households. The total area of the town is 67.28 square kilometres

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Weather is currently 18°C (64°f), Wind N at 4 mph (6 km/h), 93% Humidity, hotels are a 3-star average with starting prices at a mean of $122  


**Shigeru:** What circle of hell have i entered??

**SaltierThanU:** YOU?!

**Shigeru:** Oh great it's symmetrical bang douche

**BloodyButtPlug:** Shirabu, why does everyone hate you?

 **SaltierThanU:** Shut up asshole

 **Shigeru:** Why is Oikawa high? Nevermind, I'll ask Iwaizumi

 **KozuKitten:** Oh shit, I don't know this Iwaizumi but I'm fairly certain Oikawa is fucked if he finds out about this

 **Mom:** OKAY I LOVE OIKAWA'S DRAMA AS MUCH AS THE NEXT BUT IM HAVING AN ISSUE HERE DON'T JUST DROP IT!!!

 **Shigeru:** Well, Karasuno I would say just grab him and kiss him, that's what I've been telling Iwaizumi to do

 **Mom:** That... That might actually work, but what if he doesn't feel the same?

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Then it's a good thing ur in ur third year

 **KaGAYama:** Hey, we're missing a setter... Dateko???

 **Shigeru:** Ew, Koganegawa is nasty, him and his crusty, angry bird, looking ass

 **SaltierThanU:** They say I'm salty, you've done nothing but diss people here since you arrived

 **Shigeru:** Get off your high-horse peach hoe

 **Mom:** I regret this, this chat was a mistake, should we add other people??

 **Shigeru:** NO, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE HERE, HOW DO YOU LEAVE CHATS??

 **BloodyButtPlug:** You're on a team with the master of social media and group chats and you don't know how to do that stuff??

 **Shigeru:** Dude... Oikawa may be a great captain and great at volleyball but the guy can be kinda a douche-nozzle

_[12:00 a.m.]_

**Don'tGiveAHoot:** So, Oikawa can be a really great guy

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I'm glad I came over

 **Tooru'sAngels:** [Can'tStopWontStopAkaashiKeiji.jpg]

 **Shigeru:** Is he kissing you!?

 **KaGAYama:** Iwaizumi is messaging me asking about Oikawa... What do i say?

 **Tooru'sAngels:** Don't say shit

 **SaltierThanU:** I'll give you blackmail on Tendou and Goshiki if you tell Iwaizumi

 **BloodyButtPlug:** No, don't listen to him!

M **om:** Kags... You should let Oikawa tell him

 **KaGAYama:** OIKAWA YOU DUMBASS YOU POSTED SHIT ON SOCIAL MEDIA NOW I HAVE BOKUTO ON MY ASS SAYING YOU WONT ANSWER HIS CALLS.

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Well I don't give a hoot

 **Shigeru:** lol

 **SaltierThanU:** lmao

 **BloodyButtPlug:** lol

 **Mom:** oh my gosh thats gold

 **KaGAYama:** Bruh...

 **_Don'tGiveAHoot_ ** _changed_ **_Tooru'sAngels_ ** _name to_ **_420Tooru_ **

**420Tooru:** Blze it

 **Shigeru:** lol

 **SaltierThanU:** lol

 **BloodyButtPlug:** lol

 **Mom:** lol

 **KaGAYama:** B R U H

 **KozuKitten:** Kuroo wants me to add him, so here

_**KozuKitten** added **Tetsubro** to **Pretty Setter Squad**_

  **Tetsubro:** Oooh... Us captains have a chat like this, it's be lit af

 **KozuKitten:** Akaashi thinks Bokuto is in lvoe with you

 **Shigeru:** Tokyo drama, nice

 **420Tooru:** I'll bring the popcorn, maybe Makki and Mattsun can join

 **Tetsubro:** He is tho???

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I'm on my way back to Tokyo to kill you, Tetsurou.

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Ooooh, given names, fancy ;D

 **SaltierThanU:** DID.... DID YOU JUST USE AN EMOTICON?!

 **420Tooru:** Remember, if it doesn't work out between you and Owl boy, I'm always available ( ˘ ³˘)❤

 **Tetsubro:** You do realize that in our captain chat Iwaizumi is there instead of you right?!

 **420Tooru:** So?? Iwa-chan is straight

 **Tetsubro:** lol

 **SaliterThanU:** lol sure, he ain't your type anyways sweaty

 **BloodyButtPlug:** lol

 **Mom:** sure lol

 **Shigeru:** U do realize he checks out your ass when you're in front of him right?? he also checks out ur back muscles when changing. This boi hasn't been straight since he was born

 **Shigeru:** He also fawns over u n' ur knee like wtf it';s gross and domestic

 **KozuKitten:** Your love life is blind and angsty

 **Tetsubro:** He talks about you allot, it's like tsundere its cute af, also Akaashi we haven't forgotten you, Bokuto cares allot about you, he and I are just real close friends who only see each other during practice matches. He;s crazy for you m8

 **KaGAYama:** he's offline, I think he's gonna kick ur ass Kuroo

Mom: I didn't raise you to speak like that

 **KaGAYama:** yes mom

 **BloodyButtPlug:** You guys do realize that its 1 a.m. right? WE HAVE CLASSES AND I SHARE A DORM WITH TENDOU SO CAN YOU ALL STUFF IT BEFORE HE TRIES TO STEAL MY PHONE

 **420Tooru:** You sweet summer child I am so sorry for you.

 **Tetsubro:** I see Akaashi

 **Tetsubro:** [Gottagofast.jpg]

 **Tetsubro:** fuckkjhpouhuiogft

_**Mom** has kicked **Tetsubro** from the **Pretty Setter Squad**_

**SaltierThanU:** Good-fuckin'-riddance

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This... This was a disaster. If you want me to do some side chapters with the Captains + Iwa group chat, just let me know!


	3. You're the One That I Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally not watching Grease, and Totally shouldn't be writing a paper on Victimization Reports with juveniles and crime.
> 
> As always! Enjoy!

_[8:00 p.m.]_

**420Toory** : YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT

 **Mom** : OOH, OOH, OOH.

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : Tooru, are you watching Grease?

 **SaltierThanU** : man I love musicals

 **KaGAYama** : ...

 **Shigeru** : did...

 **420Tooru** : woah...

 **Mom** : YOU HAVE A DECENT BONE IN UR BODY TO LIKE MUSICALS???

 **BloodyButtPlug** : I can second this. Shiritorizawa always has a karaoke night every two months. Team bonding in the dorms.

 **420Tooru** : gay

_[10:34 p.m.]_

**420Tooru** : Send help

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Blink twice if you're okay

 **420Tooru** : [BlinkTwice.gif]

 **420Tooru** : The past hour I've had three cups of coffee, I'm on my fourth.

 **420Tooru** : Soon I will be the coffee God

 **420Tooru** : for I will rule the world with the devil's juice that is flowing through my veins

 **SaltierThanU** : wtf Oikawa??

 **420Tooru** : TGIS PAPER IS DUE BY MIDNUGHT

 **420Tooru** : I MUST CONSUME VICTIMIZATION REPORTS SO I CAN CONSUME THEIR UNHOLY KNOWLEDGE

 **420Tooru** : SHOW ME THE DARK SIDE OF CRIME REPORTS PLS BEAURU OF JUSTICE STATISTICS

 **KozuKitten** : wait is Oikawa a Criminal Justice major?

 **Shigeru** : he's taking college prep courses for it, yeah.

 **420Tooru** : I will put Victimization Reports, self reports, and uniform crime reports in my body either through digestion or injection.

 **420Tooru** : I will inject myself in the brain to get this paper dkne

 **420Tooru** : there's a mother fuckin'hurricane cyclone heading our way and I gotta do this fuckin paper

 **420Tooru** : this is bullshit

 **420Tooru** : I need more coffee

 **Mom** : Oiks, no

 **420Tooru** : too late

 **420Tooru** : the deed is done

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : oh no

 **420Tooru** : I poured the boiling newly made pot right into my retinas

 **420Tooru** : Iwa-chan is over, he's putting me to bed. 

 **Mom** : but your paper

 **420Tooru** : again, this is Iwaizumi. Oikawa is finishing his paper real quick then heading to bed. I'm sorry for his disturbance.

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : and now it says Oikawa is offline.

 **KozuKitten** : Akaashi have you spoken with Bokuto yet since you beat up Kuroo?

 **BloodyButtPlug** : lol he went offline.

_[6:00 a.m.]_

**420Tooru** : we should all go somewhere and hang out.

 **Mom** : Oikawa it's six in the morning why the fuck are you awake

 **Shigeru** : he's a morning person. Does his best practice in the morning. Goes for runs etc.

 **Shigeru** : we have morning practice on the weekends. Seven a.m. sharp.

 **KaGAYama** : Suga why are you awake?

 **Mom** : texting Daichi.

 **BloodyButtPlug** : I'm a morning person as well

 **SaltierThanU** : fuck all of you. I'm muting this chat at night.

 **KaGAYama** : I still don't see why we can't add Dateko setter, he's actually very nice

 **420Tooru** : bc. Just. Bc

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : I'd like to hang out, it would be nice to get out with others than people on my team.

 **420Tooru:** we're meeting at a bar! Karaoke and everything!

 **SaltierThanU:** Just us??? No one annoying like Hinata or Goshiki

 **KaGAYama:** I Hinata is there I'm throwing myself and him out

 **Mom:** u 2 r literally the gayest

 **BloodyButtPlug** : I love cream

 **Mom:** .....

 **420Tooru:** !!!!!!!!!

 **SaltierThanU:** Uhm. WhAT

 **420Tooru:** I love cream as much as the next person, but you totally said that out of the blue

_**Shigeru** has changed the chat name to **The Cream Team**_

**Mom:** I love this

 **_Mom_ ** _has changed_ **_Shigeru's_ ** _name to_ **_Yahabae_ **

**Yahabae:** Thanks mom

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** When should we all meet up?

 **KozuKitten:** It'd be best if Keiji and I came to Miyagi, but I don't want to leave Tokyo

 **420Tooru:** Weekend practice is cancelled Yahabae because everyone is going to Tokyo for the weekend

 **SaltierThanU** : Will there be alcohol??

 **KaGAYama:** Alcohol isn't a solution to problems people, neither is weed

 **420Tooru:** Alcohol IS a solution

 **KozuKitten:** This sounds like Kuroo, the fuckin' nerd

 **420Tooru:** I wouldn't let that disaster near me

 **420Tooru:** Anyways, chemically Alcohol is a solution

 **420Tooru** :L But for this situation it would also be a solution

 **420Tooru:** Whiskey is boutta catch these hands

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Did you do that joke on your own?? I didn't think you were that clever Oikawa

 **SaltierThanU:** I thought it was established that Oikawa isn't original at all

 **KaGAYama:** This is obviously not his joke

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Wait, wait, does everyone here have someone they like?

 **Mom:** Random but yee

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Don't remind me, I have to see him today

 **KozuKitten:** no, unless you count Chrom

 **SaltierThanU:** He's not real... but yeah unfortunately

 **KozuKitten:** HE'S REAL IN MY HEART YOU MONSTER

 **KaGAYama:** Yeah

 **420Tooru:** Meh

 **Yahabae:** Shut up Oikawa thats a yes, and a yes here

 **BloodyButtPlug:** They all dudes?

 **420Tooru:** This chat is called cream team, of course its all dudes you filthy muggle

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Okay good, because I need help, urgently, I have a crush on my dormmate and it makes me sick

 **Yahabae:** Didn't you say you shared a dorm with Tendou??

 **KozuKitten:** Tendou Satori? Ew, he's a lamppost

 **BloodyButtPlug:** E X A C T L Y

 **420Tooru:** I can't help you in this department, my Iwa-chan is the complete package

 **Yahabae:** THEN ASK HIM OUT YOU DIPSHITS

 **420Tooru:** Then why haven't you and Mad-Dog got together?????? HMMMM? YOU FILTHY HOE DON'T TEMPT ME I WILL MESSAGE HIM DIRECTLY

 **Yahabae:** [TryMeBitch.gif]

 **Yahabae:** DFo you want me to tell everyone here your darkest secret??

 **Mom:** There's no way you know all of Oikawa's dirt

 **420Tooru:** Yahaba has blackmail on everyone, even Karasuno, and because Tokyo is in this chat I'm already sure he has dirt on you guys and your teams.

 **KozuKitten** : No way

 **Yahabae:** Your captain dresses you as a cat every year for halloween because you're kinda young looking so that way you can get candy for him

 **KozuKitten:** WTF

 **Yahabae:** Akaashi, your captain buys porno mags

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I know, its gay porn too

 **Yahabae:** Your captain is smarter than he seems, he acts dumb, also he hasn't told you yet but he's been recruited for university teams as the ace already.

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** How....How did you know this before me?!

 **Yahabae:** I never release my informants or my way of doing things.

 **Mom:** Classes are starting, everyone disperse!

_[3:00 p.m.]_

**SaltierThanU:** Okay, but why Tendou???

 **BloodyButtPlug:** We are literally sitting next to eachother why not ask in person?

 **SaltierThanU:** Because I hate the sound of your voice

 **SaltierThanU:** HI!!!

 **Mom:** ??? Shirabu???

 **SaltierThanU:** HI, I'M SHIRABU, I THINK MY HAIR IS COOLER THAN THE FUTURE ACE'S BECAUSE I BRING A RULER TO GET MY HAIR CUT AND IF ITS THE SLIGHTEST OFF THEN I CRY LIKE A LITTLE BITCH

 **KaGAYama:** Hi Goshiki

 **KozuKitten:** I would murder anyone before they took my phone and did this

 **SaltierThanU:** Goshiki is a heathen

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** He reminds me of Hinata and Bokuto, it's endearing

 **SaltierThanU:** Take him then

 **Mom:** Oh, so that's who you have a massive hard-on for??

 **SaltierThanU:** N O

 **Mom:** You can't lie to me, Isn't that right Semi???

 **BloodyButtPlug:** He's just so tall, and handsome as hell, he's so bad but he does it so well

 **Mom:** Did... Did you just T-Swift me about Tendou???

 **Mom:** I expected this form Oikawa, not you #Hurt

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Ye

 **SaltierThanU:** Goshiki is nasty, he's always smiling and encouraging others

 **SaltierThanU:** He's always giving me compliments and blushing when i ackowledge them

 **SaltierThanU:** Ugh

 **Mom:** Oh

 **Mom:** my

 **Mom:** fucking

 **KozuKitten:** gay

 **Mom:** god

 **BloodyButtPlug:** sign me the FUCK up, good shit go౦ԁ sHit thats some good shit right th  er right there if i do ƽaү so my selｆ  i say so thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ НO0ОଠＯOOＯOОଠଠOooo Good shit

**420Tooru:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZ-trvAlxds>

**KaGAYama** : Is it that time of year?

**Yahabae:** oh no

**SaltierThanU:** I knew u Seijou fucks were freaks

**Yahabae:** They do....this....every....y e a r

**Mom:** Can we come???

**420Tooru:** U H M. Y E S

**Mom:** SEMI YOU'RE COMING AND SINGING BOP TO THE TOP WIHT ME

**BloodyButtPlug:** A I G H T

**SaltierThanU:** I'm out... i'm... o u t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unlike Oikawa I'm actually in college, and yes I'm a Criminal Justice major, and I'm in direct path of hurricane Irma so godspeed. if anyone else is in danger of a natural disaster please stay safe.


	4. Shook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daichi sighs and rubs his temples "I'm so... shook right now"
> 
> Oikawa stares at the dimly lit screen in horror "I...I honestly can not make fun of you right now" Oikawa shudered in terror, "You just said shook... out loud... now feel so bad for you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I was kindly asked when other characters would be introduced (because it is in my tags ;D) and I'd like to tell y'all that everyone will be brought in! But I'm not sure if I should add them all to one chat, because my one track mind will forget people and I'll feel bad, or I could do several other group chats i.e. First years, captains, etc.
> 
> I'd love to know what you think!

_[10:04 p.m.]_

**Mom:** We should video chat!

 **420Tooru:** Iwa-chan is with me if you wont mind him putting his two sense in!

 **SaltierThanU:** I don't mind much... Goshiki is with me, unfortunately he's my dorm-mate

 **BloodyButtPlug:** I'm doing homework so i wont contribute much, but I'll join

 **Mom:** Yay! That's okay, Daichi is with me too

 **KozuKitten:** Kuroo is with me, I'm afraid he'd want to talk about Tsukishima if he's present, but I suppose I'll join too.

 **_Mom_ ** _is calling_ **_420Tooru, BloodyButtPlug, Don'tGiveAHoot, KaGAYama, KozuKitten, SaltierThanU,_ ** _and_ **_Yahabae_ **

**_420Tooru, BloodyButtPlug, Don'tGiveAHoot, KaGAYama, KozuKitten, SaltierThanU,_ ** _and_ **_Yahabae_ ** _has joined Mom's call_

 Oikawa pushed up his glasses and tilted his head looking at his computer screen, the room behind him was dark except for the faint glow of another laptop behind him illuminating a mop of spiky, brown hair. "Akaashi, you were quiet, I didn't think you'd join the call!"

The ebony haired man sighed "I wasn't going to join because I have homework, but I decided to join anyways". Akaashi looked over his shoulder at something and Suga spoke up.

"That Highschool Musical party was loads of fun!" The man sitting next to him groaned. "Oh Daichi, don't be a fuddy-duddy" Suga giggled soft and silent. To everyone in the call it looked as if the two were dating, but Suga made it clear that they weren't.

"Daichi, why don't you just ask Suga out?" Oikawa said scanning every other face in the call, Shirabu was arguing with Goshiki having his mic muted. Semi was doing homework like he said, Kageyama and Hinata were reading something. Yahaba was flipping through a magazine occasionally looking up and Kenma had a mess of bedhead resting on his chin. Everyone did stop what they were doing however to look to Oikawa wide eyed.

 _Tooru!"_ The mess of brown hair residing behind Oikawa shouted as he moved to sit next to him. "You don't just ask someone that! Wait... Suga you haven't told them?" Iwaizumi looked quizzically to the two men from Karasuno.

"Oh! Yeah!" Suga shouted and adjusted his laptop. "Daichi finally asked me out!"

Yahaba choked on his drink and punched his chest as he wheezed out a weak _'what?!'_ between his coughing fit.

"You didn't tell us!" Hinata pushed Kageyama aside and grinned wide.

"Dumbass get off me!" Kageyama pushed Hinata to the side and gave a some-what smile to his captain and vice-captain. "Congrats"

Daichi gave a weak smile to the camera then laughed "Yeah, I guess you could say I kissed a setter and liked it"

Oikawa went wide-eyed and almost pushed Iwaizumi off the bed he was on causing a small laugh form Kenma's end.

"You! You know pop culture!?" Oikawa began laughing loud and hearty. "Oh my god this is amazing! Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan! Did you know this?!" Oikawa was hanging off Iwaizumi laughing.

Daichi sighs and rubs his temples "I'm so... shook right now"

Oikawa stares at the dimly lit screen in horror "I...I honestly can not make fun of you right now" Oikawa shudered in terror, "You just said shook... out loud... now feel so bad for you"

Daichi huffed and blushed a bright red "So I don't know how to Mee-Mee correctly! Sue me!" Suga looked in horror to Daichi and Kuroo busted out laughing form Kenma's end. Yahaba was choking even harder now to the point his parents came into the room to make sure he was alright. Kenma was shaking his head and Akaashi looked away holding in a small smile. Goshiki fell off of the chair he was sitting on and Shirabu couldn't even hold in a laugh, while Semi and Kageyama both looked confused.

"Do you mean meme?" Semi said, his voice sounding 100% serious. "Because if you do then I can't believe that I think of your team as a threat" That caused an even louder laugh from everyone.

"Okay, okay, as much as i love to pick on papa crow I have something serious to ask" Kuroo said muffling his laughter. Everyone died down their laughs waiting for Kuroo to ask his question. "Do you think that mee-mees are lit fam?" Kuroo was obviously picking on Daichi and it killed everyone, even Semi and Kageyama started in with gut-wrenching laughs.

When the laughter died down again Yahaba was the next to speak. "Are you dating Kenma? you two seem close" His question was directed at Kuroo who snorted loudly and sat down next to Kenma.

"No, i only have eyes for french fries, tall, golden and salty" Kuroo's smirk held mischeif and Suga did not like that.

"No, no, no, no, do not tell me you're talking about Saltishima?!" Suga said wide-eyed "You get your sinful hands away from my son!"

Oikawa let out a little giggle "Taking the whole 'mother' thing to the next level aren't you?" That earned Oikawa a smack in the back of the head from Iwaizumi.

"Oh yeah... There's a first year chat" Kageyama says absentmindedly. "Kunimi and Tsukishima get along well" That causes a snort from Iwaizumi and Oikawa like their not surprised.

"I've got to log off before Goshiki breaks something" Shirabu says plainly. In his little box on the screen there's a mess of hair running around and jumping which is quiet amusing until a bookshelf falls over. "Fuck-" Shirabu got disconnected and Semi sighs.

"I suppose I should check on Goshiki, he's a handful sometimes" Semi was the next to go.

Yahaba's eyes flicked to his captain and ace. "Are you two ever gonna talk about your feelings?" The whole feeling of the call got tense as Iwaizumi turned a bright red and Oikawa paled. Iwaizumi leaned forward and disconnected themselves from the chat and Kageyama looked wide-eyed to Yahaba.

"That wasn't smart" Kageyama said disconnecting and Daichi shook his head.

"It wasn't nice, but it was smart" Suga nodded and Daichi continued on. "They've been needing to talk it through" Yahaba grinned to himself and the faint sound of _'Diva is the female version of a hustler'_ is heard on his end.

"That's Oikawa's ringtone, I'll be off for the night" Yahaba disconnected and it left AKaashi, Kenma and Kuroo, and Dachi and Suga online.

"Lets talk about Kei" Suga said huffing.

"Kenma, lets go see a movie" Kuroo said with a wink to Suga as he disconnected him and Kenma. That left Akaashi shaking his head

"They talk allot, Tsukishima and Kuroo" Akaashi gave a faint smile and a small goodnight as he logs off. Daichi and Suga sigh quietly and log off themselves deciding to go to sleep.

_[7:39 a.m.]_

**420Tooru:** Yahaba, 20 suicides.

 **Yahabae:** Worth it

 **Yahabae:** U GUYS SHPULD HAVE SEEN OIKAWA TODAY WITH IWAIZUMI

 **Mom:** Do tell

 **KaGAYama:** Kindaichi sent me pictures

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I'm curious

 **KozuKitten:** Oikawa was cussing to Kuroo all night, what happened?

 **Yahabae:** [AssGrab.jpg]

 **Yahabae:** [PDA.jpg]

 **Yahabae:** [InTheBroomClosetREally.jpg]

 **Yahabae:** [PoorKindaichi.jpg]

 **SaltierThanU** : Why is Kunimi closing Kindaichi's eyes????

 **Yahabae:** Kindaichi needs to be protected at all costs

 **420Tooru:** 20 suicides for each picture Shigeru.

 **Yahabae:** Worth it.

 **Mom:** Iwaizumi is getting a handful in the first pic

 **KozuKitten:** He's grabby isn't he?

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : When you've been friends for so long there's sexual tension

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Iwaizumi probably has allot, he seems like the type to keep things hidden.

 **420Tooru:** CAN WE S T O P

 **Mom:** Iwaizumi probably is a little rough isn't he?

 **BloodyButtPlug:** I don;t know, lets ask the lovely Mr. Iwaizumi, so is he Iwaizumi Tooru?

 **420Tooru:** We just started dating this morning so I have no idea, but I'd imagine yeah

 **KaGAYama:** I... I don't need to hear this

 **SaltierThanU:** Why didn't you guys start dating last night????

 **420Tooru:** ..... I kicked him out of my house....

 **KozuKitten:** lol, gay

 **420Tooru:** This morning he just grabbed me and kissed me and yeah it went from there

 **420Tooru:** Oh i sure hope he's rough, dirty talk would be nice too

 **KaGAYama:** I...I R E A L L Y D O N O T N E E D TH I S

 **SaltierThanU:** Kageyama ur as vanilla as they come

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Vanilla squad, Shirabu the tsundere and Kageyama the inexperienced

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Kink af squad, Yahaba, Oikawa and Suga

 **SaltierThanU:** What makes you think I'm vanilla???

 **KozuKitten:** Kuroo is vanilla af

 **Mom:** W H A T

 **KozuKitten:** Ya, he dated Daishou Suguru from Nohebi and he was so... gushy it was gross

 **SaltierThanU** : Imagine ur OTP

 **420Tooru:** Did you know there's a first year chat??? Kunimi just hissed at me when i tried to read over his shoulder.

 **SaltierThanU:** Yeah, Goshiki blushes when I ask him about it, anyways we all need to get to practice, good luck sluts

 **Kozukitten:** lol gay

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, it's trash, thank you for any positive feedback! This wont be updated for a while because hurricane


	5. First Years Chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to do a break up chats, the main chats is the setter chat and people will pop in and out of that but I'll have small portions dedicated to other chats ;D

**_[Chatroom: First Years Are Better]_ **

_[7:43 p.m.]_

**FutureAce:** I NEED HELP!!!

 **Sunshine:** WITH WHAT?!

 **Saltishima:** Oh, great, this again

 **GucciShades:** Goshiki, what do you need help with??

 **FutureAce:** Well... I have a cruhs on some1 on mt team

 **Saltishina:** Weird hair

 **Saltishima:** Protractor bangs

 **Saltishima:** or emo Sugawara?

 **KaGAYama:** I refuse to be involved with this since i believe I know the answer.

 **Kunimi:** Protractor bangs

 **FutureAce:** He's just.... so cool!!!!!!!!

 **FutureAce:** He doesn't compliment me but i can tell he wants tooooo!!

 **FutureAce:** He's so tsundere as Tendou would call him!!

 **FutureAceLev:** !!!!!!

 **Inouka:** Sounds like quiet the pickle! Why not just ask him out!?

 **FutureAce:** Well... Shirabu is kinda scary....

 **Saltishima:** Sucks for you lol

 **GucciShades:** Tsukki!

 **GucciShades** : R00d

 **Sunshine:** Goshiki! I'll go wiht you!! Kageyama said the setters are going out for kareoke in Tokyo!!

 **FutureACe:** UOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!

 **KaGAYama** : Kuroo might be there

 **Saltishima:** Why would I care?

 **KaGAYama** : aren't you two together?

 **KaGAYama:** also i didn't @ you so why did u respond if u didn't care\

 **Saltishima:** Uhm ???? No

 **Saltishima** : He's a giant nerd who loves plants

 **GucciShades:** But... U like dinos Tsukki

 **Saltishima:** I don't like them that much??? That's when i was a kid jfc

 **Saltishima:** I want in though

 **KaGAYama** : ur week

 **Saltishima** : .....

 **Saltishima:** At least spell 'weak' right

_[The Cream Team]_

_[8:52 p.m.]_

**KaGAYama:** I'm ver sorry

 **SaltierThanU:** GOSHIKI WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE, WHY DID YOU TELL HIM?????

 **Mom:** Did.... Does everyone know about this now?? Oikawa won't be happy...

_[9:24 p.m.}_

**420Tooru:** W H A T

 **420Tooru:** T H E

 **420Tooru:** F U C K

 **420Tooru:** ?????????

 **420Tooru:** I will literally end you existence you cunt muffin

 **420Tooru:** You'll be begging Iwa-chan to save you, but he wont, you know why? Because he's with my and i hid his fucking phone

 **420Tooru:** It's time to spill your secrets bitch

 **Mom:** Oikawa why are you so upset over this??

 **420Tooru:** Because I have every first year on my team asking to go, Iwaizumi is INSISTING to go and I don't want him there!

 **BloodyButtPlug:** AKA, he doesn't want his boyfriend to know he smokes weed bc he plans on getting high

 **420Tooru:** Tobio pissed himself in the middle of one of our middle school matches.

 **KaGAYama:** Oikawa stole one of Iwaizumi's shorts in middle school bc he wanted them

 **420Tooru:** Kageyama listens to that Sweedish band ToyBox

 **KaGAYama:** Oikawa once slapped Iwaizumi and cried for two hours

 **420Tooru:** Step up your game bitch

 **420Tooru:** Kageyama took ballroom dance lessons to impress shrimpy!

 **BloodyButtPlug** : ....

 **SaltierThanU:** ....

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** .....

 **Mom** : ..... uhm

 **KozuKitten:** Lol, that's gay.

 **Mom:** OH! Besides the drama between Trash heap 1 and Lactose obsessed

 **Mom:** How are you Akaashi

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Bokuto and I talked

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** He asked me on a date, we're not official, we will see how things go after the date.

 **KozuKitten:** lol, That's gay too

 **420Tooru:** THATS FREAKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!

 **420Tooru:** When, and where?!

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Ah, next Friday night, and he's taking me to dinner at a restaurant near our school, starts with a T...

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Then we're going back to one of our houses to just... talk things out...

_**420Tooru** kicked **Don'tGiveAHoot** from the chat **The Cream Team**_

**420Tooru:** Lets stalk their date.

 **420Tooru** : wait what does Bokuto look like??

 **Mom:** I like this idea...

 **SaltierThanU:** I guess I'm in

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Alright...

_**Mom** has added **Don'tGiveAHoot** to **The Cream Team**_

**Don'tGiveAHoot:** You... you deleted the previous messages.... What are you all planning??

 **BloodyButtPlug:** What are you talking about Keiji?

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** You're planning something, therefore do not use my given name you dirty traitors

 **SaltierThanU:** Why would we hide shit from you???

 **Yahabae:** I loose power for a little bit and come back to this??

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I see our previous messgaes but the gap of time form when you kicked me to added me is empty, what were you discussing???

 **Yahabae:** I'm curious too....

 **Mom** : too late

_[12:48 a.m.]_

**420Tooru** : ALEXANDER RYBAK HE CAN BARE MY CHICKEN

 **420Tooru** : CHILDREN*

  **BloodyButtPlug** : No its canon. Oiks goves birth to chickens

 **420Tooru** : I DO NOT GIVE BIRTH TO CHILDREN

 **420Tooru** : FUCKIN CHICKENS

  **Mom** : Hahah u confirmed ot again u dont give birth to children u curry (chicken furry)

 **Mom** : yiff

 **420Tooru** : stop

 **420Tooru** : fuckin stop

 **420Tooru** : fuckin nasty

 **420Tooru** : crusty ass mitherfucker

  **KaGAYama** : Cliff (cluck + yiff)

 **420Tooru** : just

 **420Tooru** : ugh

 **420Tooru** : gross

 **420Tooru** : stip

 **420Tooru** : no

 **420Tooru** : I don't need this

 **420Tooru** : I hope a fuckin tsunami comes and kills me

 **KozuKitten** : lol same

 **Yahabae** : if it kills you I'll bring you back to life

 **420Tooru** : n o

 **Yahabae** :  U die i get to write Yiff on your grave

 **Yahabe** : here lies the yiffiest of yiffs

 **420Tooru** : Bite my entire left ass cheek Yahaba

 **420Tooru** : goodnight you ungrateful fucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so the whole yiff conversation actually happened in my group chat tonight and it was unfortunate. Hope you enjoyed!


	6. Adam Lambert is My Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> \- so blessed, so moved, so grateful, can’t believe this is my life, never going to take it for granted, always going to give back, thank you -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did most of the lyrics for an Adam Lambert song in this... beware

_[4:25 p.m.]_

**SaltierThanU:** Goshiki is running around the dorm shirtless

 **420Tooru:** I should ask Iwa-chan to take his shirt off

 **KaGAYama:** This is.... strange

 **KozuKitten** : You're all so.... gaaaaay

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** You were crying over some character named "Robin" yesterday Kozume

 **Yahabae:** Female or male?

 **BloodyButtPlug:** .... How did you know what he was talking about??

 **Yahabae:** u don't know my life

 **KaGAYama** : He never answered if it was male or female

 **420Tooru:** IWA-CHAN IS COMING OVER, IMMA ASK HIM TO TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF

 **Mom:** Tooru?? W H A T are you gonna do when he gets there??? ;D

 **KaGAYama:** But Kenma didn't answer the question

 **420Tooru:** We were gonna study

 **Yahabae:** That's codeword for makeout btw, Kindaichi learned that quickly

 **KaGAYama:** But... Kenma

 **KozuKitten:** This poor Kindaichi kid

 **420Tooru:** His boyfriend is the cutest of Kouhai's

 **Yahabae:** ????? I'm offended capt

 **Mom:** My cutest Kouhai is Yamaguchi

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Gucci

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Is he swole?

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Probs not as swole as me

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I could prob bench press him

 **SaltierThanU:** ???? The only bearable one here is into the memes?

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I'm dank

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I'll fight ur salty ass

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** [Biceps.jpg]

 **Mom:** THATS BO!

 **KaGAYama:** Hello Bokuto

 **420Tooru:** IS THIS THE MAN TAKING OUR SWEET PRINCE ON A DATE!?

 **SaltierThanU:** I love how you all knew who it was by a picture of muscles

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Nice arms, almost better than Ushijima's own

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I will fihgt Ushiwaka to the death

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** With pool noodles bc them bastards are fun af

 **Yahabae:** This... This guy is a dork!? How does he have Akaashi's attention???

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** It's the arms tbh, he says he likes my personality but he oogles my arms

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** He's glaring at me now

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** BYEEEEEEEEEEE

 **Mom:** He's such a fun guy!

 **420Tooru:** so blessed, so moved, so grateful, can’t believe this is my life, never going to take it for granted, always going to give back, thank you

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** ????

 **420Tooru:** Your boytoy has better arms than mine

 **420Tooru:** Pls send more pictures of them

 **420Tooru:** Iwa-chan is here!

 **420Tooru:** bye sluts!

 

_[3:38 a.m.]_

 

**420Tooru:** So hot  
  
**420Tooru:** Out the box  
  
**420Tooru:** Can you pick up the pace?  
  
**420Tooru:** Turn it up, Heat it up  
  
**420Tooru:** I need to be entertained  
  
**420Tooru:** Push the limit  
  
**420Tooru:** Are you with it?  
  
**420Tooru:** Baby, don't be afraid  
  
**420Tooru:** I'm a hurt 'ya real good, baby

**420Tooru:** Let's go  
  
**420Tooru:** It's my show  
  
**420Tooru:** Baby, do what I say  
  
**420Tooru:** Don't trip off the glitz  
  
**420Tooru:** That I'm gonna display  
  
**420Tooru:** I told ya  
  
**420Tooru:** I'm a hold ya down until you're amazed  
  
**420Tooru:** Give it to ya 'til you're screaming my name  
  
**420Tooru:** No escaping when I start  
  
**420Tooru:** Once I'm in I own your heart  
  
**420Tooru:** There's no way you'll ring the alarm  
  
**420Tooru:** So hold on until it's over  
  
**420Tooru:** Oh, do you know what you got into?  
  
**420Tooru:** Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?  
  
**420Tooru:** 'Cause it's about to get rough for you  
  
**420Tooru:** I'm here for your entertainment  
  
**420Tooru:** Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet  
  
**420Tooru:** 'Ya thought an angel swept you off ya feet  
  
**420Tooru:** But I'm about to turn up the heat  
  
**420Tooru:** I'm here for your entertainment

**420Tooru:** It's alright  
  
**420Tooru:** You'll be fine  
  
**420Tooru:** Baby, I'm in control  
  
**420Tooru:** Take the pain  
  
**420Tooru:** Take the pleasure  
  
**420Tooru:** I'm the master of both  
  
**420Tooru:** Close your eyes  
  
**420Tooru:** Not your mind  
  
**420Tooru:** Let me into your soul  
  
**420Tooru:** I'm a work it 'til you're totally blown  
  
**420Tooru:** No escaping when I start  
  
**420Tooru:** Once I'm in I own your heart  
  
**420Tooru:** There's no way you'll ring the alarm  
  
**420Tooru:** So hold on until it's over  
  
**420Tooru:** Oh, do you know what you got into?  
  
**420Tooru:** Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?  
  
**420Tooru:** 'Cause it's about to get rough for you  
  
**420Tooru:** I'm here for your entertainment  
  
**420Tooru:** Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet  
  
**420Tooru:** 'Ya thought an angel swept you off ya feet  
  
**420Tooru:** But I'm about to turn up the heat  
  
**420Tooru:** I'm here for your entertainment

**SaltierThanU:** FUCKIN GO TO SLEEP OIKAWA YOU FUCKING SHIT HEAD

_[7:14 a.m.]_

**Mom:** W h a t

**Yahabae:** Oikawa isn't at practice yet, he's usually the first here

**SaltierThanU:** I GOT NO SLEEP BECAUSE OF THAT BLOODY NAPKIN

**BloodyButtPlug:** I have so many questions

**420Tooru:** Adam Lambert is my queen fuck off

**KozuKitten:** I'd strip to his music

**KozuKitten:** Lol that's gay

_**KaGAYama** changed **KozuKitten's** name to **Lol-Thats-Gay**_

**Don'tGiveAHoot:** Fitting

**Don'tGiveAHoot:** But

**Don'tGiveAHoot:** Oikawa can we talk about last night?

**420Tooru:** Oh yes we can~

**Yahabae:** OIKAWA WALKED IN ABSOLUTELY GLOWING

**Yahabae:** WHY IS IWAIZUMI SO RED AND LOOKING SO IN LOVE WITH OIKAWA

**Yahabae:** oh no

**Yahabae:** more PDA than normal

**SaltierThanU:** They fucked

**KaGAYama:** oh no

**420Tooru:** HE DID MORE THAN TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF

**Mom:** GET SOME!

**Lol-Thats-Gay:** lol thats gay

**BloodyButtPlug:** KEEP UP THE LIVE COVERAGE YAHABA

**Yahabae:** HANAMAKI AND MATSUKAWA NEED TO DOCUMENT THIS

_**Yahabae** added **Memesukawa** and **Hanameme** to **The Cream Team**_

**Memesukawa:** What's up bitchachos?

**SaltierThanU:** Kill me


	7. Meme, Dreams, and Volleyball Teams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 420Tooru added Godzilla to the chat The Cream Team

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! There's a hurricane going on both in my state and in this chapter (by that i mean the super salt off i wrote in)  
> Also I'm a slut for IwaOi and BakuAka

**Memesukawa:** I'll gladly kill you

 **Hanameme:** I'm so honored such beautiful setters as urselves would think of us

 **Mom** : We want live coverage on Iwaizumi and Oikawa after their steamy one-night stand

 **Memesukawa** : Babe u were born for this

 **Hanameme:** In the left side of the court we have Oikawa Tooru weighing in at a whopping 72.2 kg, 159.2lbs for u readers usiing the imperial scale 184.3

 **KaGAYama:** What

 **Hanameme:** What

 **Memesukawa:** ANYWAYS

 **Hanameme** : Not only does he weigh that light but he stands at a towering 184.3 cm, his favorite hobby is volleyball and groping Iwaizumi-chan's arms! His favorite food is Milk bread

 **Memesukawa:** On the other side of the court there stands Iwaizumi, Iwa-chan, Hajime standing at a mere 179.3 cm weighing 70.2 kg with the hobby of Godzilla and the favorite food of Agedashi Tofu

 **_420Tooru_ ** _added_ **_Godzilla_ ** _to the chat_ **_The Cream Team_ **

**Godzilla:** Why is your name 420Tooru

 **Godzilla:** nvm don't answer that

 **SaltierThanU:** This slut

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Nice taste Oikawa he's a fukin nerd like you

 **420Tooru:** Pls don't berate my man

 **Godzilla:** Would you rather us berate you?

 **Mom:** I forgot how savage he was

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Bokuto talks about him allot

 **Godzilla:** I love that man

 **Godzilla** : But who doesn;t

 **SaltierThanU:** who tf is Bokuto

 **Godzilla:** A great man

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Bruh

 **Mom:** Step off, he's soon to be a taken man

 **Godzilla:** Yeah

 **Godzilla:** I don't get that???

 **Godzilla:** From the way Bokuto talks about you you're like, closer than anything??

 **Memesukawa:** Ha, gay

 **420Tooru:** Shut ur whore mouths

 **Hanameme:** We need to add more Seijou

 **Yahabae:** No, please, The Seijou chat is bad enough

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** he's the one who said go on a date and decided things from there, that was not my choice

 **KaGAYama:** wat

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** Bokuto is a big softie

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** He's adored

 **Godzilla:** The name of the capt+me chat is "Protect Bokuto Koutaru 2k16"

 **BloodyButtPlug:** wait, is your date before or after the kareoke party???

 **SaltierThanU:** Pls don't remind me about that

 **Yahabae:** Pls don't come then

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** Fuckin' roasted

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Its next week, so after the party

 **Memesukawa:** Babe and I are coming

 **Hanameme:** Its a date

 **Godzilla:** U do realize the captains plan on invading your party

 **420Tooru:** Fuckin' do it

 **420Tooru:** I'll burn them wiht my blunt

 **Godzilla:** .....

 **Mom:** ......

 **KaGAYama:** HAH!

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** Lol ur fucked

 **420Tooru:** look at that i gotta take Takeru to practice, bye!

_**Godzilla** has left **The Cream Team**_

**Memesukawa:** Lol they're fucked

 **Hanameme:** Can we come to the kareoke party tho???

 **Yahabae:** Pls no

 **SaltierThanU:** P L S YES

 **SaltierThanU:** wait

 **SaltierThanU:** NO!

 **Hanameme:** ;D

 **Memesukawa:** ;3c

_[12:56 p.m.]_

**Mom:** How did you guys keep spelling karaoke wrong?? 

 **Mom:** like???

 **KaGAYama:** aesthetic

_**KaGAYama** has kicked **Hanameme** and **Memesukawa** form the chat **The Cream Team**_

 

**09/15/12017**

_[3:56 p.m.]_

**Yahabae:** I'm on the way to Tokyo with Oikawa next to me

 **SaltierThanU:** Yeah, i see u, u fuckin' nerd

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Wait, r u 2 the ones wearing matching glasses??

 **Yahabae:** They don't match??? Oikawa's are black mine are brown??

 **Mom:** Omg like senpai like kouhai

 **KaGAYama** : Thats fuckin' nerdy

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** are you all on the same train???

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Yes

 **SaltierThanU** : un-fucking-fortunately

 **Yahabae:** Mhm

 **420Tooru:** yuh-huh!

 **KaGAYama:** Yes.

 **Mom:** I'm sitting next to Tooru!!

_[4:12 p.m.]_

**Yahabae:** Suck my cock Shirabitch

 **SaltierThanU:** how is it true that humans are 70% water if your 100% salt?

 **Yahabae:** you are even saltier than the dead sea

 **SaltierThanU:** Lovely weather we're having , 4 inches of rain containing 500% salt with a acidity of 4

 **Yahabae:** I'd give you a nasty look but you've already got one.

 **SaltierThanU:** I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?

 **Yahabae:** The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.

 **SaltierThanU:** If I wanted a bitch I would have stole your byfriend, whats his name?

 **SaltierThanU:** Mad-dog??

 **Yahabae:** One, he's not my boyfriend

 **Yahabae:** Two, Scientists say the universe is made up of neutrons, protons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.

 **SaltierThanU:** Your doctor called with your colonoscopy results. Good news - they found your head.

 **Yahabae:** What's the difference between your boyfriend (Goshiki) and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.

 **SaltierThanU:** WE AR NOT FUCKHUGY DATINGJH

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** What is this clusterfuck

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** I'm going to regret this

_[4:56 p.m.]_

 By time they got to the bar their respected captains and/or significant other's were already there with wide smirks. "Think you could get away with it?" Kuroo cooed and Akaashi sighed rolling his eyes.

"Kuroo, Iwaizumi let it spill that you'd be here, we knew" Bokuto was biting his lip trying to hide his laughter.

"I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works" Iwaizumi said leaning in on Oikawa's shoulder with a playful grin as Oikawa sat down next to him.

"Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand." Oikwa said fluttering his eyelashes at Iwaizumi flirtatiously, Iwaizumi made it obvious as he looked to Oikawa's lips then back up at him. "What're ya' gonna do, Ha~ ji~ me~?" Oikawa said leaning in more and Matsukawa clears his throat putting his hands over Yahaba's eyes.

"We are prohibiting you from using Iwaizumi's given name due to the fact he looks like he wants to eat you now." Matsukawa says, although he's usually very affectionate to his best friend in public he actually looks quiet uncomfortable.

Akaashi's emerald eyes glass over Matsukawa witha sly smirk tugging at his lips causing everyone to freeze. "Are you saying they're into vore?"

Bokuto was a bright red and covered his face letting out an inhumane screech into his hands. Oikawa and Iwaizumi although really close to each other burst out laughing and gripped onto each-other.

"Iwa-chan and I are first to sing!" Oikawa yelled as he pulled his boyfriend up with a cheer. Iwaizumi groaned but still trudged along after the taller man.

While Oikawa and Iwaizumi fussed over a song some of the first years showed up, and to no ones surprise Kuroo dragged Tsukishima over to his table and started chatting with him leaning in close.

"This is really gay, you can feel the homo vibes" Shirabu said sipping a drink next to Yahaba who nodded in agreement. Ever since the train ride the two have had the silent agreement of being sassy, salty, bitches together.

"Shirabu-san!" A loud yell bounced off the walls and wrapped its arms around Shirabu's next with a tight squeeze. The hugger squished his cheeks to the light haired male and continued to yell. "Shirabu-san! We should sing!" His voice was surprisngly soft at that part and Shirbau sighed pushing him off.

"Fine Goshiki, but I pick" Shirabu had  alight pink to his cheeks and when Yahaba opened his mouth to speak Shirabu glared. "Don't".

"Shut up cumsluts! Oikawa is going to sing!" Matsukawa whooped as he walked through the door. They immediately when to Bokuto and Kuroo as if they knew them and began talking, poor Akaashi looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

Daichi tilted his head as the song started and just got more confused as he heard everyone start laughing. "Suga... What are they laughing about?" Daichi murmured to his friend.

"The song is Naughty or Nice by Cash Cash" Suga was giggling but quieted down when the singing started.

 Iwaizumi was a bright red as he began singing, this obviously wasn't his song choice. " I've got my list, and I'm checking it twice. So, tell me, girl, are you naughty or nice?" His voice was surprisingly deep and you could see Oikawa melting, but you could also see Oikawa was planning something. "Tonight's the night. I ain't rolling the dice, are you naughty or nice, naughty or nice?" Oikawa's verse was coming up and he got real close to Iwaizumi who was looking away and mumbled something to Oikawa.

"I'm dirty like the south, doin' dirty on the couch. Just leave some milk and cookies, and I'll put them in your mouth." Oikawa was practically grinding on his boyfriend who looked both pissed and aroused. It didn't help that when Oikawa's verse was over he nipped at Iwaizumi's ears causing some of the more inappropriate members of their crowd cheer. It was that point Iwaizumi hit Oikawa on the top of his head and dragged him away from the mic without finishing the song. "Hajime~" Oikawa wasn't angry about being pulled away, instead he was taunting Iwaizumi more and embarrassing him even more.

"Tooru, we need to talk" Iwaizumi was trying to come off scolding so no one would know what activity they were actually going to partake in, but he messed that up by using Oikawa's first name. Next to jump up was Kuroo who cheered when Goshiki whined.

"Should've been quicker than that!" Kuroo taunted causing Goshiki to get riled up. Before he could listen to Goshiki's rebound, Kuroo got on the stage. "It's time for more western music, that's all this night is going to be now, but my song will not have the same result as the last" He winks to Hanamaki and Matsukawa. "Sorry mates".

Tsukishima groaned, he had a feeling that he knew where this was going and he wasn't at all flattered, regardless of what that pain in the ass on stage thought. "Bro, is that country music i hear playing?!" Bokuto shouted and cheered when he got the thumbs up, most of the others groaned.

"Josh Turner is my big gay American crush" Kuroo snapped and cleared his throat. That's how the night went, Kuroo singing Your Man by Josh Turner causing Tsukishima to laugh at him and call him a dork, definitely the opposite of Oikawa. Oikawa and Iwaizumi came back during the next song looking a little dishevel but no one cared, they were happy. Goshiki and Shirabu sung Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru, Shirabu actually cracked a smile and had some fun, Matsukawa, Hanamaki, Oikawa and Kindaichi sang some Eurovision song called Eastern European Kind of Funk with choreography and everything, showing it wasn't the first time this happened. It was a good night and no one thought different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter totally sucked btw, It's not my best, I'm sorry v.v


	8. The Unfortunate Case of Oikawa Tooru

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mom: You were nice to my kouhai??????!!!!!
> 
> 420Tooru: Back off Mr. Refreshing don't take my blueberry kouhai

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I survived Hurricane Irma! Yeet!

_[3: 27 a.m.}_

**420Tooru:** Be me

 **420Tooru:** Be 18 years old studying Criminal Justice

 **420Tooru:** Be at a college for a campus tour

 **420Tooru:** Go to a bar after

 **420Tooru:** Walk in room with friends

 **420Tooru:** You're there to have a good time

 **420Tooru:** Have a couple of drinks

 **420Tooru:** Try to forget your past

 **420Tooru:** Group of guys come in to.pick a fight

 **420Tooru:** Don't like confrontation so try to avoid

 **420Tooru:** Group of guys keep nagging you calling you a gay slut

 **420Tooru:** You can tell they're drunk/high

 **420Tooru:** They corner you and start harassing more

 **420Tooru:** You raise your hands to protect yourself

 **420Tooru:** You scream "S T O P DADDY"

 **SaltierThanU:** Go the fuck to sleep you ass wipe

 **Yahabae:** Captain, I'll get Iwaizumi on you

 **420Tooru:** Everyone, goodnight and sleep well.

_[8:43 a.m.]_

**Mom:** Lol Oikawa you're going to make a shitty police officer

 **420Tooru:** Ugh, they were groping me, one thought I was a a girl and then called me a gay slut when i jumped and looked back

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Tendou took me to a gay bar once and everyone labeled me the straight friend

 **KaGAYama:** Ouch

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** You are all underaged, why do you talk about weed and alcohol so much??

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I'm a child of God, I'm not sure what you're talking about.

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** You got high with Oikawa and did it again at Karaoke

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** You and Oikawa also got into the alcohol at the bar somehow

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** And your rendition of How to be A Heart-breaker was amazing

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I don't need your sass

 **KaGAYama:** Can we talk about Kuroo and Tsukishima???

 **Mom:** THAT WAS SO NASTY

 **SaltierThanU:** They were... all... over... eachother.........

 **BloodyButtPlug:** So was that Matsukawa and Hanamaki

 **Yahabae:** Hard to imagine their not dating

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:**.....

 **BloodyButtPlug:** ....

 **Mom:** .......

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :**  .........

 **KaGAYama:** Can...Can I ask something personal?

 **Mom:** Of course!

 **KaGAYama:** Okay, well Hinata and I were getting intimate

 **SaltierThanU:** YOU TWO ARE DATING?!

 **KaGAYama:** We tried to keep it secret

 **KaGAYama:** Anyways

 **KaGAYama:** I asked if he would ever put on a skirt

 **KaGAYama:** and he laughed at me

 **420Tooru:** MOVE OUT OF THE WAY BITCHES MY KOUHAI NEEDS ME

 **420Tooru:** Kinks are a special thing, he needs to accept you for you.

 **420Tooru:** Iwaizumi and I are lucky enough that our kinks interact, dirty talk, scratching, biting, etcetera.

 **420Tooru:** But he likes to see me in thigh high socks, I don't see the appeal but I do it for him.

 **420Tooru:** In turn, Iwaizumi lets me pay special attention to his arms during any intimate moment as well as praise me.

 **Yahabae:** That.... That was actually.... nice???

 **Mom:** You were nice to my kouhai??????!!!!!

 **420Tooru:** Back off Mr. Refreshing don't take my blueberry kouhai

 **KaGAYama:** Thank you Oikawa...

 **420Tooru:** What is everyone's kinks????

 **Mom:** Light bondage

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Being put down vulgarly, lights asphyxiation.

 **SaltierThanU:** Uhm... nothing??

 **Yahabae:** Fighting, and rough fighting

 **BloodyButtPlug:** eating food off the other

 **KaGAYama:** Hinata read that over my shoulder and said wearing a skirt suddenly doesn't seem so bad compared to the rest of you

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Bokuto likes seeing me in skirts as well, says my legs look nice

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** He also likes to bite and pull hair

 **Mom:** You two were going to take it slow???

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** That went out the window during the bar, Bokuto smuggled alcohol in and Akaashi was high, they were under th einfluence.

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:**   lol, all this is really gay

 **Yahabae:** Okay, okay BUT SHIRABU AND GOSHIKI WERE ADORABLE

 **SaltierThanU:** SHUT UP FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

 **420Tooru:** NO I HAVE TO AGREE, fucking Ushijima should NOT have been there

 **KaGAYama:** Hinata says Goshiki was glowing all night after you kissed his cheek

 **SaltierThanU:** I AM A LIGHT DRUNK, I HAD SOME OF THE CAPTAINS ALCOHOL AND I JUST REACTED

 **SaltierThanU:** HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO CLOSE

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Goshiki has been humming all day

 **BloodyButtPlug:** He's been happier than ever

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Ushijima says if you mess up Goshiki's rythm he will make you practice harder

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Tendou also says he will hunt you down if you break Goshiki's heart

 **SaltierThanU:** I don't even like him!

 **420Tooru:** Mhm and I don't like calling Iwaizumi daddy

 **420Tooru:** face it, you got it bad

 **Mom:** Oikawa i didn't need to know you had a daddy kink

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** Goshiki seems like a nice guy

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** Get to class everyone, Kuroo is giving me a nasty look

_[7:56 p.m.]_

**BloodyButtPlug:** Lets get back to Oikawa for a moment. 

 **BloodyButtPlug:** According to Ushijima

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Right now our Tooru is on a date

 **BloodyButtPlug:** [OurSpecialBoys.jpg}

 **Mom:** Thats so cute...

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Is Oikawa wearing his classes with a bright green alien hoodie??

 **SaltierThanU:** He has his hands in Iwaizumi's front pockets

 **KaGAYama:** Iwaizumi has his in the center pocket of Oikawa's sweatshirt

 **Mom:** They look so in love! Iwaizumi has this look of absolute lov eon his face

 **SaltierThanU:** Oikawa's winking like an idiot

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** Are we ignoring the fact it looks like there's a thumb covering part of the camera

 **420Tooru:** I HATE ALL OF YOU

**_[Group Chat: Protect Bokuto Koutaru 2K17]_ **

_[2:34 a.m.]_

**PussyDestroyer:** Can we change my name now like pls

 **OwlFucker9000:** You can change it yourself you selfish fuck

 **OwlFucker9000:** Or you can live it up like I am

 **Godzilla:** Kuroo, no, we can't change it, you lost the bet

 **VolleyTitan:** Iwaizumi is correct, Bokuto, you lost the bet as well, thank you for taking it so well.

 **Thighchi:** Can we please get back to the photo

 **Godzilla:** Can we not

 **Fuckakuchi:** L E T S

 **Godzilla:** We were on a date!

 **Godzilla:** He kept singing stupid Eurovision songs

 **Godzilla:** It was kinda cute I'll admit

 **OwlFucker9000:** Awh

  **Fuckakuchi:** Anyways, other than Iwaizumi being totally in love, what has everyone else been doing?

 **PussyDestroyer:** Tsukishima

 **Thighchi:** Did...Did you just say you've been having sex with my kouhai?

 **PussyDestroyer:** My Kouhai, i taught him to block

 **VolleyTitan:** Obviously not blocking your penis

 **OwlFucker9000:** USHIJIMA THAT WAS GREAT

 **VolleyTitan:** Thank you

 **VolleyTitan:** I have been getting ready for college, as it turns out i will be at the same university as Oikawa

 **VolleyTitan:** I can finally hit some of his tosses.

 **Godzilla:** He would murder you before you got the chance

 **Thighchi:** I'm sorry your teams wont be going to nationals, I have been practicing for it

 **Godzilla:** I have been on dates with Oikawa, we're going to different universities, and he's the clingy jealous type.

 **OwlFucker9000:** That's... Kinda sad, I hope you two will work out.

 **VolleyTitan:** I wonder how the setters group chat is going?

_[2:46 a.m.]_

**SaltierThanU:** SHOVE CHOPSTICKS UP MY ASS THEN YOU FUCKING USED CATHETER

 **Yahabae:** HOW ABOUT I SHOVE MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS YOU PEACHED HAIR NERD

 **Mom:** FUCKING GO TO SLEEP

 **420Tooru:** SMOKE WEED E'REDAY

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** SHUT THE FUCK UP TOORU I'M NOT HIGH ENOUGH FOR YOUR SHIT

 **Lol-Thats-Gay: :** This is a cluster fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, that picture will be important later, this does have a plot so future angst up ahead.


	9. For God's Sake Suga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 420Tooru: I believe black holes are caused by extra terrestrial lifeforms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Alien convo is actually a conversation from my "We're All Hoes for Faarquad in this FaarSquaad" group chat, my brother works for the United States Navy so he is my "Iwa-chan" in this conversation. Except he's my brother.
> 
> Enjoy this short chapter!!

_[4:56 a.m.]_

**420Tooru** : can I talk aliens with someone pls

 **Mom** : OF COURSE

 **420Tooru** : Ever since my cousin told me the Navy belives in superstitions and won't go near the Bermuda triangle I've divulged deeper in my cryptid love

 **420Tooru** : My conspiracy theories have always been hidden (Yahaba was unlucky to hear some of them long ago) bc I mostly shared them with Iwa-chan but dudes I've been doing more research

 **420Tooru** : So I have always believed that Aliens do not have one perninant physical structure. I don't believe they're the little green/gray dudes which is why I fell in love with Star Trek. I believe aliens have many different physical looks. For example some may be bug like, tarish, humanoid or even something us humans could never comprehend. They could be like the plant from Little Shop of Horrors!

 **420Tooru** : Alright! Space is very, very vast and we don't have all the knowledge of it yet but believe me when I say this

 **420Tooru** : I believe black holes are caused by extra terrestrial lifeforms

 **Mom** : I do see the points about different types of aliens/forms of them and also i apologize if i make no sense i jsut have zero enerygy but i also wanna listen about aliens

 **Mom** : also agree about the black holes and how big space is

 **Mom** : also RIP Yahaba when he comes back and sees alien theories

 **420Tooru** : Okay so I don't believe I'm area 51, there's no way the Government has some secret base that NO ONE has stumbled upon I mean really! I believe the Government is keeping alien theories hidden in the dark parts of Iternal affairs

 **420Tooru** : Another thing is various astronauts have testified that there are things they've seen that they BELIEVE are aliens, the ex-director of NASA almost leaked alien life before he suddenly retracted all his statements. Let me find that info for you

 **420Tooru** : <https://steemit.com/history/@shamanred/the-director-of-nasa-has-publicly-declared-invasion-of-aliens>

 **420Tooru** : [Ex-NASA commander of International Space Station says intelligent aliens ARE out there](Ex-NASA%20commander%20of%20International%20Space%20Station%20says%20intelligent%20aliens%20ARE%20out%20there)

 **420Tooru** : [‘Former NASA engineer’ says he saw NINE-FOOT alien on space shuttle during flight](%E2%80%98Former%20NASA%20engineer%E2%80%99%20says%20he%20saw%20NINE-FOOT%20alien%20on%20space%20shuttle%20during%20flight)

 **420Tooru** : [Alien ships near Saturn? Ex-NASA scientist claims of their existence](Alien%20ships%20near%20Saturn?%20Ex-NASA%20scientist%20claims%20of%20their%20existence)

 **Mom** : THE PUBLIC WRITES IT OFF AS SPACE PSYCHOLOGICAL BULLSHIT

 **420Tooru** : Another thing to be noted is how these articles and claims get swiftly swept under the proverbial rug as they say

 **Mom** : The Government doesn't want us to know aliens are out there because they want to keep us safe, play it dumb, sometimes it's better the public not know these thingd

 **420Tooru** : AND IN SOME CASES I AGREE

 **Mom** : but for this one you don't right?!

 **420Tooru** : No I don't. I think it's better for the people of Earth to be prepared for future alien communication then be broadsided ya know? I mean there are people who scoff at the idea! When aliens actually do show they'll be stunned to silence and be angry the Government kept it secret

 **Mom** : Yeah i get it. On the bright side, when/if it happens youpl be right and can have bragging rights

 **420Tooru** : HELL YEAH

 **420Tooru** : I told Iwa-chan since he plans to work for the government if he ever finds out Aliens are real and doesn't tell me I will make sure to sacrifice him to any carniverous aliens that seek humanoid life

 **Mom** : PERFECT PLAN

 **Yahabae** : for God's sake Suga

_[7:23 p.m.]_

**Yahabae:**  Suga you've caused Oikawa to buzz all day about Aliens

  **KaGAYama** : we have a bigger issue

 **KaGAYama** : Daichi formally asked Suga out

 **KaGAYama** : and he's been singing lyrics from famous American Broadway musicals

 **Mom** : When you said “Hi,” I forgot my dang name set my heart aflame, ev’ry part aflame, this is not a game.

  **420Tooru** : this is the exact opposite of a problem

 **Mom** : A heart full of love, a heart full of song. I'm doing everything all wrong, oh God, for shame I do not even know your name. Dear Mademoiselle won't you say? Will you tell?

 **Mom** : Dancing through life mindless and careless. Make sure you're where less trouble in life, woes are fleeting, blows are glancing when you're dancing through life...

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : Yes, yes, I love him how else could I have his letter in my hand? I read it twenty times, thirty times, forty times! Each and every word, I love him, I love him

 **Mom** : I love Sydney, and Marlow, and often I borrow their words to express how I feel. I love poems of mystery, fantasy, history, oh what seductive appeal. At night, alone in my bedroom, satisfying my need. The candlelight fire ignites my desire, to read Oh, every time I hear a perfect rhyme I get all tingly because I know, that to find a perfect rhyme is not an easy, thingly.

 **SaltierThanU** : So I give you ten thousand reasons to not let me go, but if you really see me, if you like me for me and nothing else. Well, that's all that I've wanted for longer than you could possibly know. So it can be us, it can be us and only us and what came before won't count anymore or matter. We can try that

 **Mom** : dude

 **Mom** : DEH is so angsty...

 **BloodyButtPlug** : just like him

 **Mom** : BUT I LOVE IT

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:**  : you are all romantic musical trash

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:**  : aside congrats Suga

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:**   and as usual my comment for the day

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:**   lol that's really gay

 **Mom** : I'mma get ready for my date now!

 **420Tooru** : Iwa told me where they're going, I'mma disguise my self and stalk their date. 

 **420Tooru** : I'll keep you posted. Tobio I'm omw to get you.

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:**  : I'm sure this is considered stalking

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : no, I wanna see where this goes

_[8:30 p.m.]_

  **KaGAYama** : [Disguise.jpg]

  **BloodyButtPlug** : you two are really wearing fake mustaches, glasses, fedoras and trenchcoats in a restaurant.

  **420Tooru** : they showed up! 

 **420Tooru** : Daichi pulled the chair out for Suga

 **420Tooru** : how romantic

 **KaGAYama** : the waiter doesn't give them menus, Daichi orders for them right away and Suga looks impressed

 **SaltierThanU** : I'm more impressed the fact Oikawa and Kageyama are getting along

 **Yahabae** : don't get sidetracked bluewaffle 

 **420Tooru** : daichi somehow gets champagne brought to them???? They're underaged!!

 **KaGAYama** : Azumane our ace is the waiter

 **420Tooru** : oh.

 **Yahabae** : YOU COULDN'T RECOGNIZE THAT GIANT REALLY?!

 **420Tooru** : MOVING ON

 **420Tooru** : Daichi went to the bathroom

 **420Tooru** : oh no

 **KaGAYama** : Suga spotted us

 **KaGAYama** : he's coming over

_[8:52 p.m.]_

**Don'tGiveAHoot** : ?????

 **420Tooru** : I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms. At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep

 **Mom** : he's only saying that because I whooped his ass

 **420Tooru** : you have a cold heart, you're reckless and distant, but I'll be persistent. I will understand you, strange, how I'm srawn to the danger, I'll reach out my hand to you

 **Mom** : oh shut up that's from Tinkerbell and the Neverbeast you fucking nerd

 **SaltierThanU** : *capitalist nerd* communism can't work because of human nature

 **SaltierThanU** : *me, skating by, eating go-gurt, and holding the Communist Manifesto* Human nature changes on the environment their in

 **BloodyButtPlug** : *nerd* Woah, holy shit

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:**  : ?????

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : this isn't China

 **420Tooru** : China is a republic dumbass

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : a Republic under Communist standard cumslut

 **SaltierThanU** : that's a meme going around Shiritorizawa rn

 **420Tooru** : Shiritorizawa is a walking shitpost of a school

 **SaltierThanU** : Says the man with Matsukawa and Hanamaki

 **420Tooru** : you have Tendou and Taichi

 **BloodyButtPlug** : fair, fair

 **Mom** : guys.... Guys I'm in love

 **Mom** : Dai is the best man in the world

 **Mom** : I love him

 **Mom** : he's such a daddy

 **Mom** : HE HAS DIMPLES

 **Mom** : hold up I'mma yank it thinking about Dai

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:** lol, gay

 **SaltierThanU** : for God's sake suga

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:**   the men currently going around Nekoma is really simple and it's literally just ":3c lick my cactus"

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : what does that even mean

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:**   I don't know and I don't care

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : our school meme is "I don't care if she's a tape.dispenser. I love her" 

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : this is curtesy of Bokuto who leads the drama department and panickd during a stage play of Romeo and Juliet

 **Mom** : awh, that's right, Bokuto wants to be a theater major doesn't he?!

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : yeah, he got me into musicals

 **420Tooru** : our school meme is curtesy of the meme Kings

 **420Tooru** : it is "Iwaizumi Hajime could lift This Hammer"

 **KaGAYama** : our school meme is literally our librero

 **BloodyButtPlug** : unfortunate

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:**  very

 **Mom** : Kageyama you and milk is a school meme

 **Yahabae** : Damn momma ain't got no chill

 **Yahabae** : for God's sake Suga

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs!  
> 1\. Helpess (Hamilton)  
> 2\. Heart Full of Love (Les Miserable)  
> 3\. Dancing Through Life (Wicked)  
> 4\. Letters (Natasha, Pierre, Great Come 1812)  
> 5\. I Love The Way (Something Rotten)  
> 6\. Only Us (Dear Evan Hansen)
> 
> I am musical trash. Hmu if you ever wanna talk about musicals!


	10. Shirabu's Love Life (or Lack Thereof)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mom: Ushijima went from baby boy to daddy like damn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to RandomSoul who has commented my favorite comment ever and summarizes this fic,  
> "Lmao Oikw not responsible enough to be in the 'captain' gc
> 
> The setter gc, however, is a hot mess"  
> There is sexual content in this chapter.

_[3:52 p.m.]_

**_Mom_ ** _kicked_ **_SaltierThanU_ ** _from the chat_ **_The Cream Team_ **

**Mom:** can we get Shirabu a love life

 **420Tooru:** that's gay I approve

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Goshiki is obsessed with the song Animal by that American band Neon Trees

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:** Good song

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Shirabu might not like Goshiki

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:** Thats not correct and you know it

  **KaGAYama** : about the song, I'm thinking we get our teams together for a "training camp" and lock the two in a closet

 **420Tooru** : wait what teams

 **KaGAYama** : Karasuno, Seijou and Shiratorizawa.

 **Mom** : that's true! We could say that since there was some tension with our teams this year a weekend training camp.would work really nice!

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : can some party Crashers come. I'll bring the weed

  **BloodyButtPlug has added FutureAce, Taichi, Reon, VolleyTitan, and Miracle-Boy to the chat The Cream Team**

420Tooru: YOU LITERALLY ADDED GOSHIKI U FUCKNUT

 **Mom** : Awh! Goshiki hows ur big gay crush doing?

 **FutureAce** : THIS IS EMBARRASSING

 **FutureAce** : SHIRABU DOESNT LIKE ME BACK

 **Mom** : oh yeah he does

 **Miracle-Boy:** oh yeah he does

 **Miracle-Boy:** One. It's nice to know this groupchat is gay af

 **Miracle-Boy:** two, it's nice to know Semi likes me :3c

 **Miracle-Boy:** Three, I agree with the training camp.idea

**BloodyButtPlug has left The Cream Team**

**Lol-Thats-Gay has added BloodyButtPlug to The Cream Team**

**Mom:** you and Tendo can talk about ur gay feelings after we take care of Shitabu

 **Miracle-Boy:** thats my Kouhai you're talking about!

 **Taichi** : Wait I though Shirabu had a crush on Semi

 **Reon** : I thought Shirabu had a crush on Ushijima

 **VolleyTitan** : I though Shirabu had a crush on Yahaba

 **Yahabae** : unfollowed blocked reported, uninvited from my 12th birthday party, my mom called ur mom and called her a bitch & ur dad doesnt love u BITCH

 **Miracle-Boy** : fuckin' salty. U sure u don't want to get with Shirabu??

 **FutureAce** : TENDOU NOOOOOOO

 **420Tooru** : and I thought I was bad to my Kouhai fuckin roasted.

 **VolleyTitan** : if we are finished here then I'd like to be excluded from this narrative as Bokuto would say

 **Lol-Thats-Gay** : oh no

 **420Tooru** : oh no

 **Mom** : I'M ERASING MYSELF FROM THE NARRITAVE, LET FUTURE HISTORIANS WONDER HOW ELIZA REACTED WHEN U BROKE HER HEAAAAAART

**BloodyButtPlug has kicked FutureAce, Taichi, Reon, Miracle-Boy and VolleyTitan from the chat The Cream Team**

**Mom** : u guys never let me have any fun

_[1:24 a.m.]_

**Mom** : let's do the tag urself meme but with our Captains. Kags u can do.Oikawa

 **Mom** : Dadchi, deserves a break, will fight you, dad jokes.

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:**  PussyDestroyer uses emojis unironically, shitty hair, looks cool but is actually a nerd.

 **KaGAYama** : 420Tooru, popular, will roast anyone without hesitation, v pretty, AlienFucker

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : OwlFucker9000 LOUD, steals other people's food, surprisingly gives good advice, and v strong

 **BloodyButtPlug** : VolleyTitan, looks scary but is actually a big softie, has no chill, dry humor, loved by friends.

 **Mom** : Ushijima went from baby boy to daddy like damn

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : YOU'RE A TAKEN WOMAN SUGAWARA

 **Mom** : SHIT MY BAD

 **Mom:** Lol we need to add Shirabu back

 **Yahabae:** No

 **Yahabae:** I lick the silence

 **BloodyButtPlug:** LMAO

**KaGAYama has added SaltierThanU to the chat The Cream Team**

**SaltierThanU:**  I hate all of you

 **SaltierThanU** : Why did you kick me?

 **SaltierThanU** : You deleted some chat history you fucking nerds

 **Yahabae** : Fucking fight me Salt shaker

 **Mom** : Settle down, settle down.

 **Yahabae** : The groupchat was better without you

 **420Tooru** : You two are future captains, man tf up

 **Mom** : Says the person who isn't responsible enough for the captain GC

 **KaGAYama** : LOL FUCKIN' ICONIC

 **KaGAYama** : Sorry Noya took my phone

_[2:52 a.m.]_

**Lol-That's-Gay:** Where it began, I can't begin to knowing

 **Lol-That's-Gay:**  But then I know it's growing strong

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Was in the spring

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Then spring became the summer

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Who'd have believed you'd come along

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Hands, touching hands

 **Lol-That's-Gay:**  Reaching out, touching me, touching you

 **Lol-That's-Gay:**  Sweet Caroline

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Good times never seemed so good **  
**

**Don'tGiveAHoot:**  pls stop this

 **Mom** : Kenma go to bed

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Alright

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:** By alright, i mean i'll get off discord and continue playng my game

_[2:47 p.m,]_

**420Tooru** : I'm heading over to your place now, I promise you I'll make up for practice today. You wonder 'How could Oikawa Tooru make up for being such an idiot?' well I'll tell you. I'm going to ride you so hard that'll make you cum twice screaming my name. I'll let you slide in raw, i'll even put on the skirt and fish nets for you, and if you beg enough the heels will come on.

 **420Tooru** : Of course though, It'll be me pleasing you tonight since I've been so bad, you should punish me, mark me up.

 **KaGAYama** : Oh my god

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** LOL THATS SUPER FUCKING GAY

 **Mom** : TOORU

 **420Tooru** : OH MY GOD

 **420Tooru** : PLEASE

 **Yahabae** : he typed this at practice

 **Yahabae** : We are literally at practice

 **Yahabae** : HE COPIED AND PASTED IT AD SENT IT TO IWAIZUMI BC IWAIZUMI JUST LOOKED UP FROM HIS PHONE REALLY RED AND OH MY GOD THE LOOKS HE'S GIVING OIKAWA

 **Yahabae** : Poor Kindaichi having to witness that look

 **Mom** : DETAILS

 **BloodyButtPlug** **has changed 420Tooru's name to DirtyHoe**

 **DirtyHoe** : YOU GUYS IT WAS THE WRONG CHAT

 **SaltierThanU** : DO NOT SEXT DURING PRACTICE JFC YOU'RE A CAPTAIN

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** This is why you're not part of the captains chat

 **DirtyHoe** : Brb Iwa needs me in the locker room

 **Mom** : Mhm

 **SaltierThanU** : WEAR A CONDOM

  **SaltierThanU** ; DON'T GO IN RAW THATS NOT SAFE

 **SaltierThanU** : DON'T LET YOUR KOUHAIS SEE YOU U SICK FUCK

 **BloodyButtPlug** : [KenjirouEmbaressed.jpg]

 **BloodyButtPlug** : This is Ushijima

 **BloodyButtPlug** : It looks like i found the reason for Shirabu's distress

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Please have safe sex Oikawa, I want you to be able to toss to me at university.

 **Mom** : O ML

 **KaGAYama** : I'll never look Iwaizumi in the eye ever again.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Gang up on Kim for short update* I'M SORRY BUT ITS MY BIRTHDAY AND IM WORKING ON A PAPER FOR MY JUVENILE JUSTICE CLASS


	11. The F@$% You Doing in Seijou???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 420Tooru: If heaven is a place where the angels go
> 
> 420Tooru: THEN MATTSUN AND MAKKI ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really gay and has sexual themes towards the end.

_[12:05 a.m.]_

**Don'tGiveAHoot** : ALL OF YOU SHUT YOUR BITCH ASS UP

 **Mom** : Literally none of us have spoken

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Oh he went on his date with Bokuto today

 **DirtyHoe** : S P I L L

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Listen here you hippy fucks

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Bokuto took me out to dinner everything was nice

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** We went back to his place and blazed

 **Mom:** BOKUTO DOES WEED????

 **BloodyButtPlug:** Lol he does now

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** NO HE'S ALWAYS DONE IT

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** THATS WHY HE EATS SO GOD DAMN MUCH

 **SaltierThanU** : Suga... did... did u just say 'Bokuto does weed"??? BC WTF

 **Dn'tGiveAHoot:** Suga doesn't blaze, leave him alone

 **Mom:** T F

 **DirtyHoe** : I knew i liked your captain

 **DirtyHoe** : Also explains why hes so chill about everything

 **Don'tGiveAHoot** : BOKUTO IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF CHILL

 **DirtyHoe** : Like u rn

 **SaltierThanU** : The fuck you guys???

 **SaltierThanU** : WE ARE ALL UNDERAGE HERE

 **SaltierThanU** : IS WEED EVEN LEGAL??

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** the writer doesn't know, she's American and lives in Florida and has never even touched weed. She's sticking with the stereotype because she's only been around a few high people and they were very stereotypical.

 **SaltierThanU:** What

 **DirtyHoe** : What

 **Mom** : TF

 **KAGAYama** : where's Yahaba?

 **Yahabae** : I'm at Kyoutani's

 **DirtyHoe** : ohohoh?

 **Yahabae** : He wanted to show me his dog

 **DirtyHoe** : OHOHOHOH?

 **Yahabae** : NOT LIKE THAT U SICK FUCK

 **SaltierThanU** : UHM CAN WE NOT CHANGE THE SUBJECT? KENMA T F

 **Mom** : What are you talking about Shitabu??

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** You should fuck Kyoutani

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** I've heard about the sexual tension

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Trust me

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** It's worth it

 **Mom:** And I used to think you were reliable Akaashi smh

_[4:58 a.m.]_

**DirtyHoe** : If heaven is a place where the angels go

 **DirtyHoe** : THEN MATTSUN AND MAKKI ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL

_**Mom has added Meme and Meme2 to the chat The Cream Team** _

**Mom** : pls tell us what you did to Oikawa

 **BloodyButtPlug** : But first, tell us who is who

 **Meme** : I am Hanamaki

 **Meme2** : I am Matsukawa

 **KaGAYama** : And welcome to Jackass

 **Meme** : EYYYYYYYY

 **Meme2** : ANYWAYS

 **Meme** : HE WAS WITH IWAIZUMI

 **Meme2** : AND WE DECIDED TO START MAKING A RUCKUS IN HIS YARD AND OUT COMES HIM AND IWAIZUMI

 **Meme** : WE MADE A BEE-LINE STRAIGHT FOR HIS DOOR AND LCOKED HIM OUT

 **SaliterThanU** : “According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyways. Because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.”

 **Meme2** : EYYYY

 **Meme** : ANYWAYS, we locked him out right

 **Meme2** : BUT THE KICKER IS THEY WERE NAKED

 **Mom** : WHY DID YOU GO OUTSIDE NAKED???

 **DirtyHoe** : THEY DIDN'T TELL YOU ONE OF THEM WAS IN THE HOUSE REVING A FUCKING CHAINSAW

 **Mom** : OH MY G O D

 **KaGAYama** : this is gold

 **KaGAYama** : Why did you keep a chainsaw in your house??

 **Meme** : he doesn't, we brought that ourselves

 **SaltierThanU** : Nice touch

 **Meme2** : Thanks

 **Yahabae** : pls tell me there are pictures

 **Meme2** : oh ye of little faith

 **BloodyButtPlug** : BACK TO THE STORY

 **Meme** : We burned their clothes lol

 **Mom** : This is wild

 **Meme2** : We're on the run rn

 **Meme** : We took Iwaizumi's car

 **Meme2** : And Oikawa's cat

 **DirtyHoe:** Beware fuckers :)

 **DirtyHoe:** You left something very important at my house

 **DirtyHoe:** :)

  
  
_[1:38 p.m.]  
_

**Meme** : YOU LEFT YOUR FUCKING CREDIT CARD AT OIKAWA'S

 **DirtyHoe** : :)

 **DirtyHoe** : Thanks for paying for Iwa-chan and I's new clothes fuckers

 **Meme2** : 220359.84 YEN REALLY OIKAWA WHAT THE FUCK?!

 **DirtyHoe** : :0 did i do that?

 **DirtyHoe** : Sorry guys!

 **DirtyHoe** : :)

_**DirtyHoe has kicked Meme and Meme2 from the chat The Cream Team** _

**Mom** : OH MY FUCKING GOD

 **SaltierThanU** : Oikawa you're so fucking evil

 **DirtyHoe** : Those assholes posted their pictures in the Seijou gc

 **DirtyHoe** : And the third year GC

 **Mom** : Iwaizumi is well hung

 **DirtyHoe** : HNNNNNNNNNNG STOP SUGA

 **Mom** : [IfNowWe'reTalkingBodies.jpg]

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** About the size of Bokuto

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** I...I don't want to hear this

 **Mom:** How can you two handle something that large???

 **Mom** : Daichi is a normal size

 **DirtyHoe** : CAN WE STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS

 **KaGAYama** : Oikawa.... you spent that much on clothes???

 **DirtyHoe** : : Thank god Tobio

 **DirtyHoe** : : Nah, we went out to a really nice resteraunt, some of it was clothes, shoes, printed out posters of revenge pictures

 **DirtyHoe** : : [LookThey'reGay.jpg]

 **DirtyHoe** : : They don't know we have these, but they will now

 **Mom** : THEY'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH AND HAVE THEIR HANDS DOWN EACH OTHER PANTS LOOKING BORED WTF

 **DirtyHoe** ; They were literally doing nothing but sticking their hands in the others pants

 **SaltierThanU** : Seijou is fucking dramatic

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Seijou is fucking savage

 **Mom** : I want a transfer rn

 **DirtyHoe** : :)

 **Mom** : About the dick size

 **Mom** : I thought bc of how beefy is it would be smaller

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** He's not on steroids

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** He exercises allot, runs three times a day, four hour V-ball practice

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Has allot of stamina when it comes to sex too

 **KaGAYama:** Hinata read that over my shoulder and said he wants that too

 **Yahabae:** This is... This is unpure

 **SaltierThanU** : I'm going to go pray now

 **Mom** : It's just us third years and Akaashi on now, lets talk sex with our significant others.

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Tbh stamina is good if both of you can keep up

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** It does get too much sometimes

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** But i found a way to keep up

 **DirtyHoe** : Share your wisdom, I have more stamina then Hajime some times

 **DirtyHoe:** Hajime is def a top, but I'm what they call a power bottom so allot of... strength?? goes into sex

 **Don'tGiveAHoot:** Well, if i satisfy Bokuto first, lets say a bj, then he doesn't go as much after bc he's already had one oragsm

 **DirtyHoe:** Okay Hajime will def not do that

_**BloodyButtPlug has changed Don'tGiveAHoot's name to SexGod** _

**SexGod:** Ty, ty

 **Mom:** Okay, Daichi and i have a perfect sync when it comes to this so i can't help ya Oikawa

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Tendou came, we're gonna have a talk about what he read earlier. gtg

 **Mom** : I gotta do dishes for my mom, bye!

 **DirtyHoe** : Makki is calling, i gotta settle this

 **SexGod** : I'm on my way to Bokuto's so farewell.

_[3.45 p.m.]_

**Lol-That's-Gay:** This chat has reached the pinnacle of homosexuality


	12. Wake Me Up (Wake Semi Up Inside)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mom has changed 420Tooru's name to Saltykawa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is such trash ugh, again! Thank you for the nice comments!

_[2:32 a.m.]_

**BloodyButtPlug** : You better back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up

 **SaltierThanU** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czLYl4fM8yk>

**Yahabae** : OIKAWA CAN DO THAT, HE CAN SOUND LIKE THAT

 **SaltierThanU** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8L86T6o8lZc>

**SaltierThanU** : That one is my personal favorite

 **SaltierThanU** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBYffxsnsWU>

**BloodyButtPlug** : PLS STOP

 **SaltierThanU** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6WX5SR7zxA>

**SaltierThanU** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9qjTpPh_dw>

**SaltierThanU** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQMfJuatUh0>

**BloodyButtPlug** : YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS IS HIS FUCKING PLAYLI9ST

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Every practice someone on the team can play their playlist, today was Shirabu's turn

 **SaltierThanU** : <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JZu_F2TU2s>

**SaltierThanU:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVEQwEjOMVw>

**SaltierThanU** : That's the last one I'm sending

 **Mom** : This was... interesting ?????

 **SexGod** : I'm concerned for Miyagi

 **SexGod** : Wait when is the training camp??

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Probs tonight

 **DirtyHoe** : Yeah, Everyone is going to Shittytorizawa bc they have a bigger gym

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Saltykawa

**Mom has changed DirtyHoe's name to Saltykawa**

**Saltykawa** : I approve

 **SexGod** : Keep us up to date

_[5:00 p.m.]_

**Saltykawa** : I'm there now

 **SaltierThanU** : What happened to your face?

 **SaltyKawa** : I got done running so I'm sweaty

 **Saltykawa:** Whats your excuse?

 **Saltykawa** : nice

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Did you just 'nice' your own joke??

 **Saltykawa** : Yup. you would too if you could make jokes

 **Saltykawa** : Nice

 **Mom** : oh my g od

 **Mom** : Oikawa.... You're so... strange

 **Saltykawa** : Thats my story

 **SexGod** : Wait whats your story?

 **Saltykawa** : I was born in west Philidelphia, on the playground was where I spent most of my days, chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shooting some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good started making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared. she said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."

 **Mom** : I hate you

 **Mom** : It literally smells like someone shit in the oven

 **Mom** : It's bruing

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Tendou is baking cookies.....

 **SexGod** : Don't eat them

 **Mom** : Ok but Operation Tango is a go

 **SaltierThanU** : ?????

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Truth or dare is first.

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Cliche and gay

 **Saltykawa** : Ushijima just got asked truth or dare and he said truth

 **Mom** : I asked him if he had a crush on semi

 **Mom** : and he said at one point he did but Tendou called dibs last year

 **BloodyButtPlug** : I hate this

 **Mom** : USHIJIMA JUST DARED SHIRABU TO KISS GOSHIKI

 **Mom** : OH MY G OD

 **SexGod** : Blunt

 **Saltykawa** : IKR!?

 **Saltykawa** : That was....really....cute

 **Mom** : RIP GOSHIKI

 **Yahabae** : Shirabu is looking right at me

 **Yahabae** : He dared me to sit on Kyoutani's lap T F

 **Saltykawa** : You two are sleeping together pls keep your hands to yourself

 **Yahabae** : WE ARE SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER

_[8:00 p.m.]_

**SexGod** : How did truht or dare go??

  **Saltykawa** : Hanamaki and Matsukawa ended up dating

 **Saltykawa** : our precious Kunimi and Kindaichi had to kiss and disappeared after

 **Saltykawa** : Ushijima had to eat grass, curtesy of me

 **Mom** : Oikawa had to do a plank with Iwaizumi sitting on his back for five minutes curtesy of Tendou

 **Saltykawa** : KAGEYAMA HAD TO SING THE AMERICAN NATIONAL ANTHEM

 **KaGAYama** : I still can't believe that

 **Yahaba** : Kyoutani had to kiss me....

 **Saltykawa** : KYOUTANI WAS BLUSHING SO HARD

 **SexGod** : lol that's gay

 **SaltierThanU** : lol that's gay

 **BloodyButtPlug** : lol that's gay

 **Saltykawa** lol that's gay

 **Mom** : lol that's gay

 **Yahabae** : lol that's gay

 **Lol-Thats-Gay** : I hate all of you

_[12:54 a.m.]_

  **Saltykawa** : DON'T SAY SHIT SHIRABU

 **SaltierThanU** : IWAIZUMI AND OIKAWA WERE SNUGGLING ON MATS WHISPERING AND TALKING TO THEMSELVES

 **SaltierThanU** : AND USHIJIMA CAME OVER AND GAVE THEM THE FUCKING TALK

 **SaltierThanU** : THE FUCKING TA L K

 **SexGod** : W....What????

 **SaltierThanU** : THATS NOT EVEN THE BEST PART

 **SaltierThanU** : OIKAWA THOUGHT HE WAS BEING FUNNY AND SNARKY AND TOLD USHIJIMA THAT IF HE DOESNT GO AWAY HE'D HAVE TO JOIN HIM AND IWAIZUMI

 **SaltierThanU** : EVERYONE WAS SILENT AFTER THAT AND USHIJIMA LAID DOWN AND CUDDLED OIKAWA

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Kuroo spit out his drink

 **Yahabae** : THIS WAS A MISTAKE

 **Yahabae** : KYOUTANI IS LIKE A DOG

 **Yahabae** : HE'S FOLLOWING ME NOW ALL BLUSHY

 **Mom** : Hoe don't do it

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Lol that's gay

 **Mom** : Oh my god

 **SexGod** : Rip Semi

 **SexGod** : He's been so quiet

 **BloodyButtPlug** : I have reached the astral plane, I am going into the mode of zen

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Save me

 **SexGod** : What are you guys doing to him???????

_[3:26 a.m.]_

**BloodyButtPlug** : I am finding emo

 **BloodyButtPlug** : I am an emo boy lost in a see of sadness

 **BloodyButtPlug** : I lik dick

 **SexGod** : Like how many dik???

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Like 7 dik

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Fight Club is a great movie, it gets to the truht of things

 **BloodyButtPlug** : The only person who could understand what I'm going through died on the second death star before I was born

 **BloodyButtPlug** : When will my reflection show

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Who I am inside???

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Isn't it sad when you get hurt so much you can finally say "I'm used to it"

 **BloodyButtPlug** : You ignored me when i needed you

 **BloodyButtPlug** : The worst kind of pain is when you're smiling just to stop the tears from falling

 **BloodyButtPlug** : They will ignore you until they need you

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Wake me up

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Wake me up inside

 **SexGod** : I'm stopping this here,

 **SexGod** : Why tf is Semi acting like a 13 year old american emo girl scrolling through tumblr?

 **SexGod** : And wtf did you guys do to him???

 **Mom** : Welll

 **Mom** : Kageyama can explain better

 **KaGAYama** : it started when we got here

 **KaGAYama** : Goshiki and Hinata immediately attached themselves to Matsukawa and Hanamaki

 **KaGAYama** : "Senpais pls teach us your ways" 

 **KaGAYama** : Kunimi and Kindaichi have been telling us all of their legendary stories

 **KaGAYama** : then Noya and Tanaka started hanging around them

 **KaGAYama** : so did Tendou

 **KaGAYama** : so we have Meme duo, the two dumbfucks (Goshiki and Hinata) two loud second years and a creepy ass third year wrecking havoc.

 **KaGAYama** : they nearly blew up the gym

 **Mom** : Then Iwaizumi, Daichi, and Ushijima all gathered around and talked. I was with Semi

 **Mom** : Shirabu was being a salty shit to Yahaba

 **Yahabae** : let me defend my honor.

 **Yahabae** : we we're throwing shade at each other and eventually Shirabu threw me.

 **Yahabae** : at the ceiling

 **Yahabae** : I have a sprained ankle

 **SexGod** : oh my god

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:** wait if Semi had you Suga why is he all emo

 **SaltierThanU** : what set him off is when suga became an enabler 

 **Saltykawa** : I wasn't any help

 **BloodyButtPlug:** I'm all alone....

 **SexGod** : You guys are horrible

 **Lol-That's-Gay** : You locked Kuroo in a broom closet last training camp

 **SexGod** : That was for Bokuto's protection

 **SexGod** : And my sanity

 **BloodyButtPlug** : I hear screaming

 **BloodyButtPlug** : I have to go

 **SexGod** : Wake Semi up

 **Yahabae** : Wake Semi up inside

 **KaGAYama** : Save hiiiiiiiim

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Lol that's emo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love your guys comments, they're all so uplifting o(〃＾▽＾〃)o  
> This chapter wasn't great


	13. This Chat is a Flaming Pile of S@!%

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BloodyButtPlug: ST OP  
> SkittleStealer: Save Semi 2k17  
> SexGod: #SaveSemi2k17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A SECOND UPDATE ON THE SAME DAY???  
> Yeah bc im putting off Juvenile Justice work LOL

_[12:09 a.m.]_

**Saltykawa** : It's time for a story

 **Mom** : Brought to you by your mother and father

 **SexGod** : Who let Oikawa be a dad???

 **Saltykawa** : You know I'm your daddy Keiji don't lie ★~(◡ω⊙✿)

 **Saltykawa** : Don't tell me you forgot about our steamy night together

 **Saltykawa** : I was a dance instructor....

 **Saltykawa** : You were visting the camp with your family

 **Saltykawa** : our love was forbidden

 **SexGod** : I'm going to stop you there

 **SexGod** : Because you're explaining Dirty Dancing

 **SexGod** : And you are in NO WAY Patrick Swayze

 **KaGAYama** : Roasted

 **KAGAYama** : but pls, share your story

 **Mom** :This, the tale of reckless love, living a life of crime on the run,

 **Saltykawa** : a brush with a gun to paint these states green and red

 **Mom** : "Everybody freeze, nobody move, put the money in the bag or we will shoot,"

 **Saltykawa** : "Empty out the vault and me and my doll will be on our way," ༼ ಠل͟ಠ༽ ̿ ̿ ̿ ̿’̿’̵з=༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

 **Mom** : Our paper faces flood the streets,

 **Saltykawa** : And if the heat comes close enough to burn then we'll play with fire 'cause you'll never take us alive (́ง◉◞౪◟◉‵)ง

 **Mom** : We swore that death will do us part, they'll call our crimes a work of art

 **Saltykawa** : You'll never take us alive ( ง ͡°╭ ͟ʖ╮͡° ) ง

 **Mom** : We'll live like spoiled royalty, lovers and partners...

 **Saltykawa** : PARTNERS IN CRIME ༼ ᓄºل͟º ༽ᓄ

 **KaGAYama** : Pls no

 **Mom** : Here we find our omnipotent outlaws fall behind the grind tonight,

 **Saltykawa** : Left unaware that the lone store owner won't go down without a fight. ༼ง ͠ຈ ͟ل͜ ͠ຈ༽ง

 **Saltykawa** : "Where we gonna go? He's got us pinned!' ̿’ ̿’\̵͇̿̿\з=(ಥДಥ)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿

 **Mom** : "Baby, I'm a little scared"

 **Saltykawa** : "Now don't you quit!"

 **Mom** : "He's sounded the alarm, I hear the sirens closing in."

 **SexGod** : "This is ... police department. Come out with your hands up, we have the place surrounded. Put your weapons down, put your weapons down! Ready, men? Aim... Fire!"

 **Saltykawa** : And this is how the story ends, with the skies being black with lead-filled rain ｡･ﾟヾ(✦థ ｪ థ)ﾉ｡ﾟ･｡

 **Mom** : a morbid painting on display

 **Saltykawa** : this is the night young love died

 **SexGod** : Buried at eahc others sides

 **Yahabae** : not you too akaashi

 **Mom** : They never took them alive

 **Saltykawa** : They swore that death would do them part

 **Mom** : So now they haunt you in the dark

 **Saltykawa** : They live as ghosts among these streets,

 **SexGod** : As lovers, and as partners in crime

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Set it off, Partners in Crime

 **BloodyButtPlug** : Ash Costello

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Now you did it, he's going back to his emo phase.

 **Mom** : Never again

 **SexGod** : How did the rest of training camp go btw?

 **Yahabae** : SEMI GOT LAID

 **Mom** : i love how you jump in just to say that smh you're a lost cause

 **Saltykawa** : I CHALLENGE YOU ALL TO A DUEL

 **Mom** : Oikawa fuckin' chill

 **Yahabae** : Wait who do you challenge?

 **Yahabae** : Bc of its shitabu then I'm down, I'll be your second

 **Saltykawa** :I DON'T CARE

 **Saltykawa** : I CHALLENGE THIS ENTIRE CHAT TO A MOTHER FUCKING DUEL

 **Mom** : OIKAWA YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT

 **KaGAYama** : STOP PLAYIN' THESE GAMES

 **Saltykawa** : FINE I'LL FIGHT MYSELF

 **SaltierThanU** : Sorry I'm not ignoring you guys, i had found a meme for this situation but now i cant find it

 **BloodyButtPlug** : This... This is a disaster

_[4:12 p.m.]_

**KaGAYama:** Mom I'm sorry

 **KaGAYama:** pls tlak to me

 **KaGAYama:**  Vice captain?

 **KaGAYama:**  Best setter??

 **KaGAYama:** Daichi's love muffin??

 **KaGAYama:** World's prettiest thug???????

 **Mom** : Sorry doesn't bring my fucking skittles back Tobio

 **Yahabae** : Can u guys tell Oikawa to stop trying to get me and Kyoutani together, I'm straight

 **BloodyButtPlug** : no heterosexual has hair like you do

 **KaGAYama** : Yikes

 **Mom** : SHUT UP SKITTLE STEALER

_**SaltierThanU changed kaGAYama name to SkittleStealer** _

**SkittleStealer** : I hate all of you

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** this is rlly gay

 **SexGod** : You make everything gay

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** I know its my curse

 **SkittleStealer** : So your gay??

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** no

 **SkittleStealer** : Straight??

 **SexGod** : Definitely not

 **Mom** : OH GUYS GUESS WHAT

 **SkittleStealer** : BUT I WANNA KNOW KENAM'S SEXUALITY ITS BEEN UNKNOWN TO US

 **SexGod** : Meh, I don't even know it

 **Saltykawa** : WHAT IS IT SUGA

 **Mom** : Ya like jazz? 

 **Yahabae** : Oh no

 **SaltierThanU** : How about a suicide pact? 

 **Mom** : How would we do it???

 **SaltierThanU** : I'll sting you, you step on me. 

 **Mom** : that just kills you twice

 **SaltierThanU** : This sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. 

 **SaltierThanU** : You know, there is a Larry King in the real world. It's a common name. He has suspenders, a desk, a TV show, different color lights behind him, and a marquee at the bottom of the screen saying what was just said even though you just heard him.

 **Mom** : And you'll be happy to know that bees as a species haven't had a day off in 27 billion years. Whew! 

 **SaltierThanU** : Talking bee-ah! How do we know this isn't some kind of holographic, motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Clones! For all we know, he could be on steroids! 

 **BloodyButtPlug** : ST OP

 **SkittleStealer** : Save Semi 2k17

 **SexGod** : #SaveSemi2k17

 **Mom** : Okay but hold up

 **Mom** : Oiks has been rlly quiet

 **Yahabae** : hmmmmmmmmm

 **SexGod** : This is an oddity

 **Mom** : You're not high rn are you 'Kasshi?

 **SexGod** : I wish i was

 **SexGod** : No I'm finsihing up practice with Bokuto rn, he's showering.

 **SexGod** : Maybe I'll join him idk

 **SexGod** : Haven't made up my mind yet

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Where could Oikawa be?

_[6:37 p.m.]_

**Saltykawa** : I WAS GETTING LAID YU ASSHOLES

 **Mom** : I don't care how much stamina you have it didn't last two hours, where were you??

 **Saltykawa** : Lol we took a nap after

 **Saltykawa** : Did you ever join Bo in the shower?

 **SexGod** : NO BC HE WAS SINGING SOME STUPID EUROVISION SONG YOU TURNED HIM ONTO

 **SexGod** : Sex ruiner

 **Saltykawa** : HE WAS SINGING EASTERN EUROPEAN KIND OF FUNK?!

 **Saltykawa** : THAT'S MY BOY

 **SexGod** : God I hate you

  **BloodyButtPlug** : Don't we all

 **Saltykawa** : R00D I GOT YOU AND TENDOU TOGETHER

  **BloodyButtPlug** : FUCK OF F


	14. Let's Get Serious (For Like 5 Seconds)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gotta get serious sometime, also this has reached 1,000 hits and 90 kudos, I literally do not deserve this like jfc, but I love all of you reading.

_[12:09 a.m.]_

**Saltykawa** : Guys can... can we get really serious?

 **SaltierThanU** : More serious than your love for hair care products???

 **Saltykawa** : Nevermind I'll just talk to Bokuto

 **SexGod** : Shirabu shut up hes being serious serious

 **SaltierThanU** : Damn, Sorry oiks

 **Mom** : Oikawa, honey, tell us whats wrong

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Listen to momma crow

 **Saltykawa** : I want to propose to Iwaizumi

 **Mom** : Wait what

 **SexGod** : ????

 **BloodyButtPlug** : We thought Iwaizumi would be th eone doing the proposing

 **Saltykawa** : Iwa-chan is as Osmium, which has a density of 22.61 g/cm3

 **Mom** : the fact you know that makes me question all the times i called you dumb

 **Saltykawa** : ty ty

 **Mom** : But are you sure you want to? I men you've only been dating for a few months, that's moving way too fast.

 **Saltykawa** : I understand your concern, but we've been best friends since childhood, we haven't treated each other differen't. All we've done different is the cuddling and etcetera.

 **Mom** : Tell me the little things in your relationship that hasn't changed since this started.

 **Saltykawa** : Well, when he's laying on my shoulder on the sofa in the dark

 

**Saltykawa** : And about the time he falls asleep so does my right arm

**Saltykawa** : Amd I wanaa move it ya' know??

**Saltykawa** : BC it's tingling and its numb and stuff

**Saltykawa** : But He looks so good when he falls asleep and I love him

**Saltykawa** : every time he does this he steals my heart all over again

**Saltykawa** : I know he isn't perfect, but ya know what???

**Saltykawa** : He tries so hard for me, I see it

**Saltykawa** : And I thank God that Iwa-chan isn't perfect, bc that'd be boring af

**Saltykawa** : He's bad at making plans, he gets us lost so much when we're hiking

**Saltykawa** : But we're holding hands anyways

**Saltykawa** : And it's little moments like that, that make me wanna marry him.

**Mom** : Oh my god

**BloodyButtPlug** : Y'all we're dating Before you dated

**SkittleStealer has changed BloodyButtPlug's name to Y'all**

**Y'all** : I feel attacked

**Mom** : When do you plan on proposing?

**Saltykawa** : Thats what I want your help with

**Saltykawa** : Its go big or go home

**Saltykawa** : Iwa-chan would want something simple but I can never make his life simple

**SkittleStealer** : Typical

**Saltykawa** : I'll give you the details later

_[6:56 a.m.]_

**SaltierThanU** : Someday I'm gonna be famous

**SaltierThanU** : You don't really need talent to be famous anymore bc reality shows

**SaltierThanU** : Tbh I just can't wait to date a supermodel, can't wait to sue my dad, and can't wait to wreck a ferrari on my way to rehab for drugs or smth

**SaltierThanU** : Ohohoho and trust me when i say i can throw a fit bc they didn't make my latte right

**Yahabae** : You'll cry to some talk host when things don't go your way bc ur a little bitch

**SaltierThanU** : I COULD GET COMMUNITY SERVICE NO MATTER WHAT LAW I BREAK

**SkittleStealer** : How about those supermarket tabloids???

**Yahabae** : They'll write some awful stuff ya' know

**SkittleStealer** : It'd probs be your writing it Yahaba

**SaltierThanU** : BUT GET THIS

**SaltierThanU** : THE MORE THEY RUN MY NAME DOWN THE MORE MY PRICE GOES UP!!

**Yahabae** : How about when ur marriages only last a month??

**SaltierThanU** : Blame it on how tough fame can be

**SaltierThanU** : I could be real world bachelor jackass millionaire

**SaltierThanU** : Literally everyone thinks you're cool just bc ur a celebrity

**Lol-That's-Gay:** Lol that's conceited

**SexGod** : Shirabu has a point.

**SexGod** : Being famous doesn't take much.

_[3:35 a.m.]_

**Saltykawa** : alright so Aliens

**Yahabae** : When am I morally able to block you??

**Saltykawa** : Never

**Saltykawa** : I'm ur father

**Saltykawa** : I'm so hyper atm

**Saltykawa** : automatical transaction machine

**Saltykawa** : or.

**Saltykawa** : alien transmission memes

**Mom** : Oikawa No

**Saltykawa** : OKAY BUT HERE ME OUT ABOUT THE ALIENS YOU NON BELIEVING DIRTY NAPKINS

**SkittleStealer** : dirty.... Napkins???

**Lol-Thats-Gay:** playing overwatch rn pls behave

**Saltykawa** : Mercy can bend me over and spank me

**Lol-Thats-Gay:** that's the best thing I've heard all day

**Saltykawa** : u Kno what else you could hear

**Yahabae** : oh pls

**Saltykawa** : me screaming into the void

**SaltierThanU** : okay Semi.

**Y'al** l: I'm feeling attacked

**Saltykawa** : damn I hurt my wrist today and all this typing isn't helping...

**Y'al** l: Overdid it with VBall didn't you?

**Saltykawa** : yeah

_[Private message between Saltykawa and SkittleStealer]_

**Saltykawa** : do you wanna know why I hurt my wrist

**SkittleStealer** : yeah

**Saltykawa** : I was hula hooping

**Saltykawa** : Iwaizumi and I attend a class for fitness and for fun

**SkittleStealer** : WAT MY GOD

**Saltykawa** : I've mastered all the moves, the pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion and the oopsie-doodle.

**SkittleStealer** : why are you telling me this?!

**Saltykawa** : bc no one will ever belive you

**SkittleStealer** : YOU ASSGOLE

_[Chat: The Cream Team]_

**Y'all** : Can we go back to something for a minute

**Mom** : Aight

**Y'all** : Oikawa is going in for criminal justice?????

**Saltykawa** : Ya, I was thinking law originally but tbh I'm thinking associate in Criminal Justice and then going to police academy to work K-9

**Saltykawa** : one of the pre-college courses involves us funding headlines in crime and writing about them

**Saltykawa** : It started out serious but now we find the most ridiculous titles and submit them

**Saltykawa** : "I was paralyzed by a pork-chop"

**Saltykawa** : "Man Trades Baby for 15 Big-Macs"

**Saltykawa** : Some of those are my favorites

**Y'all:** How can you be so smart yet so dumb tf

**SkittleStealer** : Iwaizumi has asked him that for years

**Saltykawa** : Listen up mother fucklers

**Saltykawa** : I need to work for the government

**SexGod** : Lemme guess

**SexGod** : Bc the aliens

**Yahabae** : No u don't understand

**Yahabae** : When Seijou throws their end of the year party he does a 45 minute lecture on aliens

**SaltierThanU** : So... Tell us about the aliens ;D

**Yahabae** : I AIN'T PLAYING THESE GAMES

**SkittleStealer** : WAIT

**SkittleStealer** : WHAT ABOUT OPERATION TANGO!?

**SaltierThanU** : WHAT IS OPERATION TANGO

**Lol-That's-Gay:** That was almost two weeks ago lol i forgot

**Mom** : OH YEAH

**Y'all:** WE WILL RESUME IT IN A WEEK

**SaltierThanU** : TELL ME WHATS GOING ON

**Yahabae** : What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

**SaltierThanU** : Wot the fok did ye just say 2 me m8? i dropped out of newcastle primary skool im the sickest bloke ull ever meet & ive nicked ova 300 chocolate globbernaughts frum tha corner shop. im trained in street fitin’ & im the strongest foker in tha entire newcastle gym. yer nothin to me but a cheeky lil bellend w/ a fit mum & fakebling

**Yahabae** : Gr8 b8, m8. I rel8, str8 appreci8, and congratul8. I r8 this b8 an 8/8. Plz no h8, I’m str8 ir8. Cre8 more, can’t w8. We should convers8, I won’t ber8, my number is 8888888, ask for N8. No calls l8 or out of st8. If on a d8, ask K8 to loc8. Even with a full pl8, I always have time to communic8 so don’t hesit8

**Mom** : WHAT IS GOING ON?!

**SaltierThanU** : Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.” This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one. 

**Yahabae** :  sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Apache” and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

**SaltierThanU** : I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door….

**Yahabae** : Hey Faggots, My name is John, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass pictures. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever gotten any pussy? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of people because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to pictures on facebook. Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was captain of the football team, and starter on my basketball team. What sports do you play, other than “jack off to naked drawn Japanese people”? I also get straight A’s, and have a banging hot girlfriend (She just blew me; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening. Pic Related: It’s me and my bitch

**SaltierThanU:** Why am I always being put in the friend zone. I’m a nice guy, work a nice job, and would do anything for m’lady. In the end these girls always go after DOUCHEBAG guys who treat them like shit, and only talk to me to cry about it. I’m sick of being considered ‘beta’ or whatever you call it.

**Lol-That's-Gay** :That’s it, I’m done. Fuck this chat. It’s devolved into a mass of retarded copy pastes and face spam. The quality of discord chat has been declining for a while, but this is the last straw. That’s it. I’m done. I’m uninstalling the internet, chopping off my dick and moving to fucking Antarctica, at least the bacteria there will be fucking smarter discourse

**Mom** : “wtf his ult did like 3k damage how is that legit” – leonardo da vinci 1496, founder of the Illuminati

**Y'all:** I left for 15 minutes what the fuck guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the prospect of Oikawa being the proposer bc i love my trash son.  
> Also about the college thingy regarding Oikawa, I'm American so I'm not sure how college and stuff work there and I'm kind of putting my major and stuff on Oikawa (although unlike him im in college) but that's just for the humor of it


	15. Operation Tango Is A Go (HYUCK)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saltykawa: Marty McFly is a punk ass bitch  
> Saltykawa: I could take him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter concerns me.

_[3:46 a.m.]_

**Yahabae** : Listen, I'm blocking any of you for Uptown Funk hate

 **Yahabae** : Don't believe me?

 **Yahabae** : Just watch

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Are you the rarest of pepes there Shigeru?

 **Yahabae** : Too rare to live, too dank to die

 **Mom** : Knock knock, get the door, its religion.

 **Mom** : Get it?

 **Mom** : bc u all need jesus

 **Mom** : haha, nice

 **Saltykawa** : SEE SUGA CAN DO THAT BC HE GOTS JOKES

 **Y'all:** okay, I'm going back to MCR

 **SaltierThanU** : When I was

 **Mom** : A young goat

 **SkittleStealer** : my father???

 **SexGod** : took me up a 90 degree slope

 **Saltykawa** : TO LICK UP SALT DEPOSITES

 **Y'all:** I hate all of you

 **SkittleStealer** : You could say "I hate.....

 **SkittleStealer** : Y'all"

 **SaltierThanU** : You got fuckin' wrecked my tobio-chan

 **Y'all:** That's it, it's time for operation Tango

 **Mom** : YES!

 **SaltierThanU** : I'm sickened, but curious

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Thats it, thats the chat, everyone go home.

 **SaltierThanU** : Wait is operation tango Oiks proposal

 **Y'all:** yes/...... yes it is

 **SaltierThanU** : Aight

 **Yahabae** : Pour honey on my and call me cheerios bc i be nuttin'

 **Mom** : AAAAAAAAAAH!!! Every FUCKING day with these STUPID fucking MEMES! I've had it up to HERE with stupid fucking memes! You guys make me want to KILL MYSELF! Is that what you fucking want? For me to fucking KILL MYSELF and write on my suicide note "Cause of suicide: Couldn't handle all of the stupid fucking memes, killed myself"? Because that's what it might as well fucking say! You guys are literally, L I T E R A L L Y incapable of having even the SIMPLEST of fucking discussion without "MEME THIS, MEME THAT, PROBABLY TYLO BE CHILLIN, HERE'S A PIC OF HUMBLE CANNONS BY AARON ELLIS, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA EBIN AMIRITE?" Fucking STOP IT you pathetic fucking FAGGOTS, you are such fucking cancer that I cannot even fathom how you fucking scumbags live your dumb gay lives. Don't you have a job to get to, schoolwork to finish or a family to attend to? Do you literally do ANYTHING productive with your lives other than post stupid fucking memes on the music section of a god damn anime imageboard? You fucking people make me sick and you're damn lucky I don't have any of your fucking addresses you fucking pieces of shits. I'd spit in your faces

 **Mom** : sorry Ennoshita took my phone and texted that

 **Yahabae** : LOL YOUR SECOND YEAR IS INTO MEMES

 **Yahabae** : There's a next gen cap't chat

 **Yahabae** : Lit af tbh

 **SaltierThanU** : What are you saying??? We literally make fun of Terushima 24/7 that's not lit

 **Yahabae** : Yes it is bc u homo's don't know he's banging Daishou Suguru from Nohebi

 **Yahabae** : While he's banging Futakuchi from Date-tech

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** KUROO NEEDS TO HERE THIS QUEERNESS

 **Yahabae** : PLS NO

 **Yahabae:** NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW

 **Saltykawa** : lol its confirmed, my kouhai is the gossip bitch

 **SaltierThanU** : Remember kids, choose volleyball, and not radical Islamic terrorism

 **Yahabae** : oh noooooo

 **Mom** : That's alright, you know our ace an our libero?

 **Mom** : Well the libero tops

 **Y'all** : NOOOOOOO OMG

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Kuroo masturbates after practices with Karasuno

 **Mom** : HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** HE ISN'T SILENT

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** AND IT'S USUALLY ABOUT YOUR MIDDLE BLOCKER TOO

 **Mom:** OMGGGGG NO

 **Saltykawa** : YAHABA HAS A COLLAR KINK

 **Saltykawa** : HE AND KYOUTANI CAME INTO PRACTICE LAST WEEK AND KYOUTANI HAD A MARK ON HIS NECK RUBBED RAW

 **Yahabae** : CAPTAIN!

 **SkittleStealer** : SUGA ALWAYS STANDS NEXT TO DAICHI SO HE CAN STICK HIS HAND IN DAICHIS PANTS TO GROPE HIS ASS

 **Mom** : HOW DID YOU REALIZE THIS

 **SkittleStealer** : You're not as subtle as you think

 **SexGod** : Bokuto and Konoha on my team have this thing where they show up to practice in onesies sometimes

 **SexGod** : Bokuto will wear it to my house when we plan to have sex

 **Y'all:** O H M Y G O D

 **SaltierThanU** : Don't worry

 **SaltierThanU** : Semi has no control over his libido

 **SaltierThanU** : And he and Tendou bang before and after practice

_[4:21 p.m.]_

_**Y'all has added FutureAce to the chat The Cream Team** _

**FutureAce** : SO MANY SETTERS WOAH

 **FutureAce** : OIKAWA TOORU

 **FutureAce** : I don't wanna be a bother! Could you toss to me sometime?!

 **Saltykawa** : ohh my God he's adorable

 **Saltykawa** : abso-fucking-lutely my dear sweet summer rain child

 **Mom** : well that's a first

 **SaltierThanU** : Goshiki is a demon do not let him fool you

 **Y'all** : I have to agree with this, he's quiet cunning and salty

 **SkittleStealer** : all of Shiratorizawa is salty tf

 **FutureAce** : so why am I here?!

 **Saltykawa** : he's so pure

 **SexGod** : I'm going to be blunt here

 **SexGod** : you're way too cute to be single

 **SaltierThanU** : .....

 **Mom** : if you're not dating anyone Kenma is free. 

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:** not my type, although I would be flattered to have him around me as eye candy

 **FutureAce** : awh shucks guys....

 **SkittleStealer** : Hinata says someone on Seijou has a crush on you

 **Yahabae** : you got me.

 **Yahabae** : what can I say

 **Yahabae** : I'm a setter who sees potential unlike some people

 **SaltierThanU** : you guys can stop anytime

 **FutureAce** : don't be salty Shirabu, they're actually complimenting me unlike you

 **Y'al** l: ouch

 **SaltierThanU** : You know what? Fine. Toss to yourself asshole

 **Mom** : Yahaba! You and Goshiki should go on a date!

 **Yahabae** : I like that idea

 **Yahabae** : whattaya say ?

 **Yahabae** : go out to dinner, walk along the beach

 **Yahabae** : see where it goes from there c;

 **FutureAce** : oh wow... I would like thay very much!!

 **SaltierThanU** : no

 **SaltierThanU** : fucking no

 **SaltierThanU** : Goshiki you and I are going on a fucking date rn. Get off the phone, meet me outside the school gates.

 **FutureAce** : OKAY

 **FutureAce** : thanks guys c;

_**FutureAce has left the chat The Cream Team** _

**Yahabae** : oh thank God I don't have to go on a date with Goshiki

 **Y'all** : I screenshots this and put in in the Shiratorizawa gc and Tendou is dying rn

 **Saltykawa** : who knew Keiji was so manipulative

  **SexGod** : I can make Bokuto beg

  **Mom** : that's not impressive, the man would literally fight the sun for you

 **SexGod** : ok true

 **SexGod** : But I can always convince him to let me sit on his back while he does push-ups so that's a win for me

 **SkittleStealer** : Shirabu gave in really easy

 **Yahabae** : the minute I was the one supposed to go on the date it made him crumble

 **Yahabae** : the fucker hates me lol

 **Lol-Thats-Gay** : listen here fuckers

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:** we just completed operation Tango

 **Lol-Thats-Gay** : we need a knew one

 **Saltykawa** : Operation Mangoes for my proposal to Iwaizumi

 **Mom** : your both sci-fi nerds 

 **Mom** : why not operation delorean???

 **Saltykawa** : Marty McFly is a punk ass bitch

 **Saltykawa** : I could take him

 **SexGod** : Operation Bara

 **Saltykawa** : HE WOULD SEE RIGHT THROUGH THAG

 **SkittleStealer** : Operation No

 **Saltykawa** : No, no, no

 **Y'all:** Operation Hyuk

 **Saltykawa** : THERE IT IS

 **Mom** : you've got to be fuckin kidding me Oiks

 **SkittleStealer** : you're no longer my senpai

 **Y'all:** I like it

 **Yahabae** :Course you do

 **SexGod** : Okay but Goshiki and Shirbau lets talk about that

 **Yahabae** : Nasty af

 **Saltykawa** : Shut up Yahaba, you and Shirabu are salt bitches, you love to hate each other and secretly care. Daishou Suguru and I are like that

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Ya know, the guy you spilled secrets about??

 **Yahabae** : I literally have blackmail on all of you

 **Yahabae** : I know Kenma's sexuality

 **Yahabae** : I'd tell you

 **Yahabe** : But it's funnier watching Kageyama suffer

 **SkittleStealer** : W T F DUDE

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Isn't it though???

 **SkittleStealer** : i hate all of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know how to end this chapter so you get this crap, I'm so sorry!


	16. Let's Get Swole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Just have allot of IwaOi feelins lately, ok???

**Chatroom: Let's McFuckin' Loose It**

_[12:09 a.m.]_

**Kitten** : Lol

 **Owl** : lol

 **Crow** : lol

 **Swan** : laughing out loud

 **WhatEverTheFuckSeijouIs** : I hate all of you

 **Kitten** : Anyways, a little kitty told me something Oikawa is planning

 **Owl** : same with me and a little birdie

 **Crow** : Suga told me too

 **Swan** : As did my two swanletts

 **Crow** : SWANLETTES????

 **Crow** : THATS SO CUTE

 **WhatEverTheFuckSeijouIs** : Wait I want to know

 **Swan** : Well Iwaizumi

 **Crow** : Don't tell him!

 **Swan** : Oikawa plans to propose

 **Swan** : Sawamura, you really should have sent that sooner

 **WhatEverTheFuckSeijouIs** : I CAN'T LET THAT STONER PROPOSE TO ME

 **Owl** : dude....

 **Kitten** : You won't accept the proposal??

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : NO BECAUSE I HAVE TO PROPOSE

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : I'd go to hell and back for him

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : Like Heaven forbid

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : I'm legit in love with an angel

 **Swan** : I believe you misspelled Alien

 **Kitten** : LOL

 **Owl** : FUCKIN' ROASTED

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : true true

WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs: But that's not the Point

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : Y'all need to listen

 **Swan** : Semi says Y'all

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : ANYWAYS

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : It's like Tooru has this halo thats broken, but there's this fight in his eyes... ya know??

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : and like walls are built to keep you safe until they crash down

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : And honestly? Oikawa has no walls around me

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : I love him

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIs** : He's perfect

 **Crow** : That was... bautiful

 **Kitten** : YOU SPELT BEAUTIFUL WRONG LOL

 **Swan:** Laughing out loud

**Chatroom: The Cream Team**

_[2:54 a.m.]_

**Saltykawa:** I sexually identify as an alien. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of traveling across the universe anally probing disgusting inferior species. People say to me that a person being an alien is impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon install abduction beams on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me “Ayy Lmao” and respect my right to abduct cows from above and kill needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a xenophobe and need to check your earthling privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

 **SaltierthanU:** Why am i not surprised?

 **Yahabae** : Hey y'all, I'm off to go to the gym

 **Yahabae** : To get swole

 **Yahabae** : I WANNA BE THE MOST SWOLE, LIKE NO ONE EVER SWOLE, TO PUMP THEM ALL IS MY REAL TEST, TO TRAIN THEM IS MY CAUSE.

 **Yahabae** : I WILL TRAVEL ACROSS THE GYM, SWOLING BIG AND BIGGER, TEACH EDGELORDS TO UNDERSTAND, THE SWOLENESS THATS INSIDE!

 **SaltierThanU** : I need new friends

 **Mom** : Lol that was good Yahabae

 **Mom** : I'll go get swole wiht you

 **SkittleStealer** : Same

 **SaltierThanU** : I'm going to stay in my dorms and eat potato chips

 **Saltykawa** : How's Goshiki??

 **SaltierThanU** : I know you're only saying that to trap me into admitting he's next to me rn curled up like a puppy

 **SaltierThanU** : but he's good and taking a nap curled into my side

 **SexGod** : can we talk about weird things our S.O. has done bc Bokuto rn just did something really weird and I don't want be alone here

 **Mom** : I'm down. Semi has to be down Tendou has got to do some weird shit

 **Y'all** : Yeah....

 **Y'all** : I came out of the shower once and he popped a pimple on my back it hurt

 **Saltykawa** : ok but pimples get ugly af he was probs tired of staring at it

 **SkittleStealer** : he could have popped a pimple on your ass

 **Y'all:** point

 **SexGod** : Bokuto just asked me if I'd ever consider a threesome

 **Lol-Thats-Gay** : Kuroo hasn't been getting laid bc Tsukishima and him are having an argument and I heard Bokuto and Kuroo joking about a threesome

 **SexGod** : I told Bokuto no and he just laughed I was so confused

 **Mom** : Daichi has this thing where he has to sleep with his socks on and it pisses me off

 **Mom** : YOU CANT PLAY FOOTSIES WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS SOCKS ON

 **SkittleStealer** : Hinata always has to eat before practice and before he does anything really

 **SaltierThanU** : Goshiki has this thing about taking his shirt off whenever we're in our dorms

 **SaltierThanU** : He just likes having his shirt off???

 **SaltierThanU** : He practices without one

 **Y'all** : I can confirm

 **Saltykawa** : Oh Iwa-chan has you all beat, except Semi

 **Saltykawa** : But before i get into that

 **Saltykawa** : Are you complaining about Goshiki having his shirt off???

 **SaltierThanU** : not really, but he's curled up to me rn and hes like a fucking furnace, hes always warm

 **Saltykawa** : There's why he doesn't wear a shirt then!

 **Saltykawa:** Anyways

 **Saltykawa** : Iwaizumi has this tough guy act right?

 **Saltykawa:** But in reality he's a big softie and he can only go to sleep if you play orchestra music or hum to him

 **Yahabae** : I HAVE Y'ALL FUCKING BEAT

 **Mom** : Y'ALL

 **SaltierThanU** : Y'ALL

 **Yahabae** : EVEN YOU PIMPLE ASS

 **Y'all:** IT WAS MY BACK

 **Yahabae:** ANYWAYS

 **Yahabae** : So Kyou and I aren't like... together, together, but we've had some flings

 **Yahabae** : AND HE LEGIT BARKED AT ME ONE TIME, LIKE

 **Yahabae:** OKAY SO WE WERE HAVIN SEX AND STUFF AND I PULLED HIS HAIR AND HE BARKED

 **Yahabae:** IT WAS LIKE A STEREOTYPICAL BARK BUT IT WAS A BARK IT WASNT WOOF OR ANYTHING HE BARKED IT SOUNDED LIKE A DOG AND LIKE I HAD TO STOP RIDING HIM BC LIKE I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD

 **Yahabae:** NEEDLESS TO SAY HE LEFT PISSED AND I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING

 **Saltykawa:** IM GOING TO BARK AT HIM WHEN I SEE HIM

_[3:43 p.m.]_

**Mom** : HE LEGIT BARKED AT HIM

 **Lol-That's-Gay** : How do you know?

 **Mom** : Practice match with Seijou

 **SkittleStealer:** Yahaba had bursted out laughing as did Oikawa and everyone was confused and Kyoutani turned beet red and dragged Yahaba out

 **Mom** : They're def banging

 **SaltierThanU** : You're still there?

 **Saltykawa** : Yeah we're having a small break, Iwaizumi is talking with the sleepy second year

 **SexGod** : Ennoshita is very nice

 **SaltierThanU** : Ennoshita needs to bang Tanaka already damn

 **Mom** : WTF???

 **SaltierThanU** : Next gen Cap't chat

 **Yahabae** : I just had the best sex

 **Mom** : SHUT UP SAVE IT FOR YOUR CHAT BETRAYAL YOU CHAT SLUTS

 **Mom** : I MADE THIS CHAT

 **Mom** : ITS SACRED YOU BROKE THE CHAT TRUST

 **SaltierThanU** : ENNOSHITA SAID YOU MADE HIM MAKE THE CHAT SHUT TF UP

 **Y'all:** Well shit, y'all attitudes are swole

 **Y'all** : Y'AINT GOT NO CHILL ANY OF YA

 **Mom** :...

 **SexGod** :....

 **SkittleStealer:** ...

 **Lol-That's-Gay** : ...

 **SaltierThanU** : Y ' A I N T


	17. Can You Not??????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When everyone's either disgruntled, or curious faces popped into his line of vision, Yahaba touched his index to his thumb and took in a deep breath. "Shirabu, I am this close to going over to Shiratorizawa and smacking you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so this got really serious for a while??? I was going through some stuff and I guess it rubbed off on my writing and I'm so sorry for that!! Back to nothing but jokes and salt.
> 
> ALSO NEW CHARACTERS HAVE BEEN ADDED TO THE CHAT!! I have a one track mind so some characters might be left out, I'll try my best to include them.

_[12:00 a.m.]_

**Mom** : Oikawa

 **Mom** : Oikawa

 **Mom** : Oikawa

 **Mom** : T O O R U

 **Saltykawa** : WHAT YOU PUSS PIMPLE

 **Mom** : have you noticed how serious we've gotten in this chat lately??? 

 **Mom** : like maybe we need to tone it down and get back to the gay

 **Lol-Thats-Gay:** I've never been serious about this chat

 **SexGod** : same

 **SaltierThanU** : k, let's be honest

 **SaltierThanU** : Oikawa has been the one getting all touchy feely

 **SaltierThanU** : even Yahaba has only been wanting to talk about his furry issue

 **Yahabae** : I'LL M NOT A FUCSG FURRYE

 **SaltierThanU** : speak again sweaty :)

 **Yahabae** : I AM NOT A GODDAMN FURRY YOU 

 **Yahabae** : YOU

 **SaltierThanU** : what's that sweaty :)

 **SaltierThanU** : ran out of insults????

_**Yahabae is now calling The Cream Team** _

When everyone's either disgruntled, or curious faces popped into his line of vision, Yahaba touched his index to his thumb and took in a deep breath. "Shirabu, I am _this_ close to going over to Shiratorizawa and smacking you"

"But your fingers are touching?" Akaashi says looking as if the chat woke him up.

"No, fuck this meme, you're not actually going to come to Shiratorizawa to kick my ass" Shirbau says leaning back against the headboard of his bed and crossing his arms.

"Exactly, they're touching!" Yahaba disconnected from the call and while everyone else was getting ready to as well Kageyama spoke up.

"Oikawa answered the call, I see his room, but he hasn't been in the frame at all?" Kageyama looked slightly concerned until Iwaizumi popped into frame shirtless.

"He's busy at the mome- Hey! I told you not to answer the call!" Iwaizumi was now yelling at someone off to the side.

"Nice scratch marks" Suga says with a whistle and Iwaizumi immediately looks back to the camera a beet red 

"U-uh, N-No. We were, uh, shit-" Oikawa's paler arms wrapped around Iwaizumi's neck and squishes his cheek to the tanner males cheek. 

"I answered the call to say I'm slightly busy, but I'll join soon" Oikawa was still in the call but he muted his mic and turned off the camera.

"Should we hang up?" Kenma said looking bored and stifled a yawn.

"No, I wanna see if Yahaba has the balls to kick Shirabu's ass" Semi says with a grin, he's running his hands through another males hair, which everyone assumed was Tendou.

 "He's not going to come over here at midnight" Shirabu said rolling his eyes. 

"Eh?! Kenjirou" there's a soft whine coming from Shirabu's line. 

"Tsutomu go back to bed" Shirabu wasn't looking at the screen, instead he was looking next to him and speaking softly. Suga, of course, was video taping it.

"Oh! you're talking to the other Setters!" Goshiki head popped into view real close to the camera.

"Were you In his lap?" Kageyama asked raising an eyebrow.

Goshiki blushed softly and gave a small nod rubbing the back of his neck. "How are all of you so pretty" Goshiki said in awe and Shirabu huffed patting his boyfriends head.

"How are you so precious? Oh my god I want him" Suga swooned and giggled watching Goshiki's blush grow darker.

"Alright that's enough!" Shirabu huffed glaring at the camera. "I am the only one who can talk to Go-" Shirabu was cut off by a loud slam on his end. "Did you run here?!" Shirabu yelped to someone of camera.

"You bet your cream colored ass i did!" Yahaba's voice yelled and then in one quick motion a hand came into view of the camera and smacked Shirbau leaving a loud pop noise.

"What the fuck!?" There was nothing but incoherent screeching on Shirabu's end now and that's when Oikawa popped back into view.

"What did I miss?' Oikawa asked looking mortified at the screeching and yelling.

"Yahaba ran to Shiratorizawa just to smack Shirabu" Akaashi said trying to mask his smile, which failed.

"Please tell me someone was recording it" Oikawa whined and Suga wiggled his eyebrows to Oikawa who just cheered.

* * *

 

_[12:06 p.m.]_

**SkittleStealer** : BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW KUROO LITERALLY CLIMBED THROUGH KENMA'S WINDOW LAST NIGHT AT LIKE 1

 **SkittleStealer** : I WOULD HAVE HAD A HEART ATTACK NOT ANSWER WITH

 **SkittleStealer** : "Your psp is in the bathroom"

 **SexGod** : You don't understand

 **SexGod** : It happens all the time with them

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** We're childhood friends

 **SkittleStealer** : i know but

 **SkittleStealer** : smh

 **Mom** : We need to invite more people to this chat, who should we invite???

 **Y'all:** Well... Seijou would be a riot

 **Yahabae** : Pls no

 **SkittleStealer** : Some of Karasuno

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Kuroo??

 **SexGod** : Bokuto

 **SaltierThanU** : I'm not inviting anyone from my school here

 **Y'all:** I got this

_**Y'all added SwanDaddy to the chat** _

**Saltykawa** : No

_**Yahabae has added Watario, Meme1, Meme2, Kyoutani, WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy, Kindiachi, and Kunino.** _

_**Lol-That's-Gay has added CatDaddy, OwlDaddy, and CrowDaddy** _

**SkittleStealer** : Can we talk about Iwaizumi's name for a minute??

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : no.

_**Mom has added CawCaw, Noya, GentleGiant, Saltishima, Gucci, TheBestSenpai, and EnNOSHITa** _

**OwlDaddy** : This is a party

 **Watario** : Oh no

 **Kyoutani** : Just like the fucking Seijou chat

 **CawCaw** : Yay!

 **Kunino** : Don't drag others into this Yahaba

 **Yahabae** : I don't know what you're talking about

 **Meme1** : PREPARE FOR TROUBLE

 **Meme2** : MAKE IT DOUBLE

 **Meme1** : THE MEME TEAM IS BLASTING OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT

 **Watario** : MEOWTH THAT'S RIGHT!

 **Meme2** : I knew i liked you

 **SwanDaddy** : Who is Meme 1 and Meme 2?

 **Saltykawa** : Oh gee Ushijima, we don't fucking know either.

 **Saltykawa** : Once we think we have it figured out, these two assholes do soemthing and we never know who is who, they wont say.

 **SwanDaddy** : Bokuto tells me you're negative at me because you're jealous

 **SwanDaddy** : And Kuroo tells me to respond to your jealousy with a comment along the lines of

 **SwanDaddy** : Jealousy is a disease sweaty :)

 **SwanDaddy** : He says you're sweaty, so I hope you're doing alright and not over exerting yourself otherwise your ace might get mad

 **SwanDaddy** : As for the emoticon, Kuroo says a smiley face is kinda and not threatening.

 **CatDaddy** : Well shit

 **OwlDaddy** : Ushi, buddy, why you gotta sell us out??

 **Meme1** : So many daddies

 **Meme2** : you all can be my daddies

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : No, since i know you two are either Hanamaki or Matsukawa and nobody wants to be your daddies

 **Meme1** : R00d

 **Noya** : You two....

 **Noya** : I should bow before such royalty

 **Saltykawa** : Thank you little librero

 **Noya** : not you you tall smug asshole

 **Noya** : the memes

 **Meme1** : Does this mean we get a crown?

 **Meme2** : And worshippers

 **Meme1** : nice

 **CrowDaddy** : I feel a headache coming

 **Saltishima** : Same

 **CatDaddy** : OHOHOHOHO

 **Saltishima** : Ah fuck

 **Kyoutani** : lol

 **Yahabae** : Shut up mutt

 **Kyoutani** : That's not what you were talling me last night

 **Meme1** : ....

 **Meme2** : .....

 **Saltykawa** : GET YOUR PAWS OFF MY PRECIOUS KOUHAI

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : Lol

 **CawCaw** : Kageyama! We need couples names on here!

 **SkittleStealer** : no

 **Gucci** : Same

 **TheBestSenpai** : Memes.....

 **Meme1** : I was called??

 **Meme2** : He called me u asshat

 **SaltierThanU** : Wait is everyone in this chat gay??

 **Gucci** : Nah, I get mad puss

 **GentleGiant** : please dont talk about Yachi that way...

 **GentleGiant** : she's such a sweet girl...

 **TheBestSenpai** : My heart belongs to Kiyoko

 **Yahabae** : WAIT THE BLONDE MANAGER IS WITH THE FRECKLE PINCH SETTER??

 **Gucci** : Were you the one who chased the ball you hit after her???

 **Yahabae** : Nah man, well

 **Yahabae** : That was me

 **Yahabae** : But im so gay im like a rainbow on fire yo

 **Yahabae** : I was wingmanning for Watari

 **Watario** : Oh no

 **Gucci** : It's aight, you didn't try a second time

 **SwanDaddy** : Semi why is Tendou in my room crying

 **Y'all:** Ignore him, I do

 **CrowDaddy** : Ouch

 **Gucci** : damn

 **SaltierthanU** : lol

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Lol this chat is gay

 **SexGod** : Be careful Kenma

 **SexGod** : I could add Leg

 **SexGod** : Lev*

 **Noya** : LEG

 **TheBestSenpai** : LEG

 **SkittleStealer** : KUROO WHAT IS KENMA'S SEXUALITY

 **CatDaddy** : Well

 **Lol-that's-Gay:** shh Kuroo

 **CatDaddy** : but you said it wasn't a big deal??

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** I know but Kageyama looses sleep over it

 **CatDaddy:** ahh, gotcha

 **Kyoutani:** I was reading the begining of this chat and jfc my captain is a slut

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : ......

 **Meme1** : ....

 **Meme2** : .....

 **Watario** : .....

 **Yahabae** : .....

 **OwlDaddy** : you kissed Akaashi before i did?!

 **OwlDaddy** : YOU GOT HIGH WITH HIM BEFORE ME

 **Saltykawa** : 1, he got high bc of you feather brain

 **Saltykawa** : 2, damn right Maddog-chan

 **Saltykawa** : I could tell you all the dirty things Iwa-chan and I do in the locker rooms,

 **Saltykawa** : Maybe next time we'll do something especially nasty right up against yours

 **Yahabae** : DAMN

 **Mom** : W Ha T

 **Meme1** : *whistles*

 **Noya** : Hot af

 **SwanDaddy** : That is quiet nasty

 **Kyoutani** : I'm quitting again

 **Yahabae** : You quit and I'm not putting out anymore

 **Kyoutani** : Fine

 **Mom** : Whipped

 **SaltierThanU** : He's ugly af

 **SaltierThanU** : I knew Shigeru had bad taste

 **Yahabae** : One, you're dating Goshiki for gods sake

 **Yahabae** : Two

 **Yahabae** : The sex is amazing

 **CawCaw** : Can... can we change the subject

 **TheBestSenpai** : Hinata we know you're not naive to the subject

 **CawCaw** : I STILL HAVEN'T HAD SEX

 **Mom** : Wait what

 **Saltykawa** : NO!!!

 **SexGod** : What about the time Kageyama told us you two were getting 'intimate'

 **CawCaw** : IT GOT AWKWARD AFTER THAT SO WE JUST PLAYED CRASH BANDICOOT ON HIS OLF AF GAMECUBE

 **OwlDaddy** : That's cute af....

 **SwanDaddy** : You all talk about weed and drinking and sex allot

 **SwanDaddy** : I do beleive our setters are sinners

 **Y'all:** Bokuto and Kuroo are bad influences on you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you really liked this my Twitter is @PerfecTrashBois, it's a shared twitter account with Apalonia but I mostly use it (Apalonia helps me come up with ideas for this fic).  
> If you ever wanna talk, please just message me!!


	18. Illuminato

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I think I might end this at chapter 25 or 30 so that way this doesn't get too dragged on.  
> Comments give me reasons to write!  
> Gonna be honest here, the beginning are copypastas, I'm unoriginal

_[3:27 a.m.]_

**OwlDaddy** : Spongebob is an animation made by aliens for making humans like SpongeBob.

 **OwlDaddy** : Spongebob is always happy and stupid. He is always positive and angelic. You can easily fool and enslave spongebob. He works for free. And you will be like spongebob; this TV show is brainwashing.

 **OwlDaddy** : Squidward and Patrick are Jesus. Patrick never works and never uses money, he destroys system; Patrick is not a slave, he is Jesus. Squidward is smart, artist and someone that trying to be perfect. Squidward many times riots against capitalism. He knows everything and tries to educate others and feels like everyone stupid. So squidward is a good guy that figts against slavery system that we call money.

 **OwlDaddy** : Sandy is an alien. And like everything popular; Spongebob is created by aliens. So Sandy is coolest character because this tv show is an alien propaganda.

 **OwlDaddy** : Crab is a colombian greedy man who planing to build a factory in his motherland and because of that he collecting dollars. Dollars are very valuable in other countries. Crab can be from Argentina too.

 **OwlDaddy** : Plankton is Illuminati. He is trying to enslave humans. He is smart and rich. He is evil. He has one eye. Illuminati is betrayed to aliens. Everybody can betray and can build his own secret society so everything is very confusing. Vampires can kill vampires.

 **OwlDaddy** : So as you see Spongebob is evil and teaching you to being positive and stupid while telling you being like Squidward is bad and dont be a lazy stupid like Patrick. Truth is humans not have to work. You can live in a village and sleep all day. So kill the satan. Take revenge of Gregory rasputin

 **OwlDaddy** : Aerogel, also known as frozen smoke, is the worlds lowest density solod, it clocks in at 96% air. If you hold a small piece in your hand it is practically impossible to see or feel, but if you poke it the its like touching Styrofoam. It supports to up to 4,000 times its own wight and can withstand a direct blast from two pounds of dynamite. It is also the best insulator in existence.

 ** Saltykawa:  ** NASA  used an aerogel to trap space dust particles aboard the Stardust spacecraft. The particles vaporize on impact with solids and pass through gases, but can be trapped in aerogels. NASA also used aerogel for thermal insulation of the Mars Rover and space suits.

 **OwlDaddy** :  Its also a synthetic porous ultralight material derived from a gel, in which the liquidcomponent of the gel has been replaced with a gas. The result is a solid with extremely low density and low thermal conductivity. Nicknames include  _frozen smoke_ , solid smoke, solid air, solid cloud, blue smoke owing to Its translucent nature and the way lightscatters in the material. It feels like fragile expanded polystyrene to the touch. Aerogels can be made from a variety of chemical compounds.

 **OwlDaddy** : You people can´t know that there is interdimensional software and multidimensional hardware in the sky and around the planet. Also there is a programm to replace everyone with a synthetic clone. Many people among you people are synthetic clones but they look like you, so you don´t see a difference if you look at them, but something is wrong with their empty big eyes. They can´t see with these eyes and they can´t feel with their heart. They are biological entities, but not human in nature.

 **OwlDaddy** : Clones and replaced humans are the reason why gangstalking is getting more and more expanded into society, because gangstalking is also, not only, but also about study and monitoring clones of biological and synthetic nature within the human society. They don´t use just high level people. They also use homeless people and other simple humans that have no high status or special background.

 **Saltykawa** : Plus they can drone you with technology and special nano-bots and thats the reason why they use chemtrails all over this planet for each country. Copy and spread my words or ignore what I say. I'm so used that everyone attacks me. I don't even care anymore to get called names and a piece of useless and worthless shit from strangers online. It would not hurt or make me wonder if they would control you and all other here to attack me and my words. So feel free to judge and hate me if you have to.

 **SexGod** : I'm so sorry

 **SexGod** : he always gets like this when he's high

 **SexGod** : I usually take his electronics from him

 **Meme1** : that doesn't explain Oikawa

 **WhateverThefuckSeijouIsDaddy** : that's just Oikawa in his natural state. 

 **WhateverThefuckSeijouIsDaddy** : he once told me if we get married we are going to America to go cryptid hunting on our honeymoon

 **Saltykawa** : and what did you say Iwa-chan??

 **WhateverThefuckSeijouIsDaddy** : .... It sounded fun

 **Meme2** : whipped

 **Yahabae** : Kyoutani, ggrab me some milk

 **Kyoutani** : you're literally sitting on the counter next to the fridge

 **Watario** : you're at each other's houses and didn't invite me?!

 **Watario** : NEVERMIND

 **Noya** : Wait, wait, wait

 **Noya** : Which team is the gayest?

 **Watario** : Seijou

 **Kyoutani** : Seijou

 **Meme1** : Shiratorizawa

 **Meme2** : Karasuno

 **WhateverThefuckSeijouIsDaddy** :Seijou

 **Yahabae** : Seijou

 **Saltykawa** : Seijou

 **Y'all:** S E I J O U

 **SaltierThanU** : Seijou

 **SkittleStealer** : Seijou

 **Mom** : What makes Seijou so gay?

 **Watario** : I'm the only straight one on the team...

 **Mom** : Wait, who are you????

 **Saltykawa** : GASP

 **Saltykawa** : He's our libero

 **Saltykawa** : and the cutest of kouhai's

 **SwanDaddy** : I disagree

 **SwanDaddy** : Goshiki is the cutest of kouhai's

 **Saltykawa** : The fuck did you just say?

 **Saltykawa** : you come into my house

**Saltykawa** : on the day my daughter is to be married

**Saltykawa** : and you ask me to admit that Goshiki is the cutest kouhai. 

**Saltykawa** : What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully

**Meme1** : It's your daughters wedding?

**Meme2** : Yahaba why didn't you tell us you were getting married

**SaltierThanU** : fuckin' roasted

**CrowDaddy** : WHY IS THIS CHAT TITLED THE CREAM TEAM

**Mom** : DAI WE ARE ALL GAY WE ARE ALL ON THE CREAM TEAM

**SwanDaddy** : You didn't come to Shiratorizawa

**Saltykawa** : REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

**WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : No, no he shouldn't have

**WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : get your dirty farmers hands away from him

**SwanDaddy** : I would not like to touch Oikawa

**SwanDaddy** : As stated before he is sweaty

**SwanDaddy** : that is unhygenic

**Saltykawa** : Did you know

**Saltykawa** : If you yell at Mad Dog-chan  


**Kyoutani** : don't

**Saltykawa** : he becomes Sad Dog-chan

**Yahabae** : Lol

**Yahabae** : Wait I'm not getting married

**Meme1** : Kyoutani didn't propose???

**Yahabae** : We aren't even dating

**Kyoutani** : Wait we aren't??

**_ SaltierThanU changed Kyoutani's name to SadDogChan _ **

**Yahabae** : I mean

 **Yahabae** : Do you wanna??

 **SadDogChan** : I thought we were already so ya you dumbfuck

 **CatDaddy** : Tasty

 **SadDogChan** : BTW Yahaba owns a pair of shorts that say 'Are Ya Nasty?' on the back of them

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : So does Oikawa

 **Meme1** : So do i

 **Meme2** : That's true

 **SwanDaddy** : That would be helpful if we knew who you are

 **CawCaw** : GUYS I HAVE AN ISSUE

 **Saltishima** : Oh no

 **SkittleStealer** : What is it this time???

 **OwlDaddy** : DO YOU NEED ME TO GO OVER THERE AND HELP

 **SaltierThanU** : Fuck off you're in Tokyo

 **CawCaw** : Guys...... My foot is stuck

 **CawCaw** : In a sewer drain near Ukai's shop

 **CrowDaddy** : I'm on my way

_**SwanDaddy has added MiracleBoy and FutureAce to the chat The Cream Team** _

**FutureAce** : I LOVE CREAM

 **KuniNO** : Lol that's gay

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Lol that's gay

 **KuniNO** : nice

 **Kindaichi** : Akira pls no

 **Saltykawa** : WHEN ALIENS INVADE EARTH WITHIN LIKE FIVE MINS THERE WILL BE MEMES OF IT

 **OwlDaddy** : I love off the walls conspiracy theories....

 **MiracleBoy** : "Off the wall". Vans, vans off the walls, vans are also cars, who drives vans? creeps, whose creepy? Slenderman.

 **CawCaw** : Slenderman isn't real....

 **MiracleBoy** : Slenderman wears a suit so Natalia Kills would disapprove, Natalia has three a's in it, a triangle has three sides, the illuminati is a triangle.

 **SkittleStealer** : Slenderman isn't real Hinata

 **CrowDaddy** : now he's crying, thanks Tendou

 **Saltykawa** : I'm so happy tbh,

 **Saltykawa** : thank you Tendou

 **OwlDaddy** : You just proved it again, "I'm so happy, tbh" has 12 letters, it also has 4 words, guess what 12 divided by 4 is? 3.

 **OwlDaddy** : A triangle has three sides, Illuminato confirmed

 **SexGod** : He isn't even high anymore

 **Noya** : Bokuto is wild ride

 **Meme1** : ;D

 **Meme2** : ;D

 **MiracleBoy** : ohohoh? Is he now? ;D

 **Y'all:** I will kick you in the nuts, stop flirting

 **MiracleBoy** : Kinky

 **MiracleBoy** : omw

 **Lol-That's-Gay** : Lol that's gay

 **KuniNO** : Lol that's gay


	19. #StopNohebiBoys2K17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yahabae: I just got a call from Oikawa
> 
> Yahabae: (Audio file submitted)  
> "Yahoo~ Yaha-kun, can you make me nachos and mail them to tokyo??? Keiji and I are STARVING, or send me Iwa-chan that'd be a tasty meal"
> 
> SadDogChan: Saving that file and playing it over the speakers at practice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's short :/ not really happy with this chapter but i needed to get it out lol

_[5:06 p.m.]_

**Meme2** : Yahaba and Kyoutani literally have a bipolar relatiosnhip

 **Yahabae** : I don't know what you're talking about

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : "I would pay so much money to see Kyoutani beat his own ass."

 **Meme1** : "I can't believe that Kyoutani™ exists"

 **Saltykawa** : "i want a bucket of his tears, i want a bottle under both of his eyes, i want to shower in them, i want to drink them"

 **KuniNO** : This was all said in practice just today

 **SadDogChan** : My kink is kinkshaming so I kink shame people and they get so mad and it turns me on cos they're kinkshaming me and it's my kinkshaming kink

 **SwanDaddy** : What

 **FutureAce** : What???

 **Watario** : What's Yahaba's kink

 **Yahabae** : MOVING ON

 **Yahabae** : Did Hinata ever get unstuck???

 **CawCaw** : I DID

 **CawCaw** : AND I GOT MEAT BUNS

 **CrowDaddy** : Unfortunate

 **SaltierThanU** : Lol

 **CawCaw** : Goshiki is my aesthetic

 **MiracleBoy** : IN THIS HOUSE WE APPRECIATE GOSHIKI TSUTOMU BECAUSE HE'S SUCH A GOOD BOY THAT'S VERY CUTE AND DESERVES THE WORLD, I LOVE HIM

 **FutureAce** : THANK YOU SENPAI

 **CatDaddy** : #StopNohebiBoys2k17

 **Noya** : But Daishou

 **CatDaddy** : NO

 **SaltierThanU** : Is Daishou the guy that Yahaba let slip was involved with Terushima who was also in a relationship with Mr. I'll-Fuck-Your-Bitch, but Mr. Fuck-Your-Bitch doesn't know???

**Gucci has added Mr.I'll-Fuck-Your-Bitch to the chat The Cream Team**

**Mr.Fuck-Your-Bitch** : ......

 **Mr.Fuck-Your-Bitch:** anyways my name is Futakuchi and I need to make a phone call before I get in this mess

 **SaltierThanU** : Lol i just ruined someones relationship, wait till he reads above

 **Y'all:** You are the worst

 **SexGod** : I'm on the run

 **OwlDaddy** : Wait, what happened!?

 **SexGod** : bad shit. ive never done anything more illegal

 **Saltishima** : Hi, what the fuck did i miss

 **CatDaddy** : Hello ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Saltishima** : New phone who dis

 **CatDaddy** : your night n' shinning armor

 **Saltishima** : Unfortunately no, because my *Knight in shining armor will be grammatically correct.

 **Noya** : DAMN

 **Mom** : BUT WHY IS AKAASHI ON THE RUN

 **SexGod** : Oh about that

 **SexGod** : I threw a blunt at an officer

 **OwlDaddy** : OMW

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy:** Where's Oikawa

 **Meme1** : Miss his sweet ass?

 **Meme2** : Or his sweet lovin'

 **Mr.Fuck-your-Bitch:** Okay but Oikawa Tooru hot af

 **Meme1** : OHOHOHOH

 **Meme2** : OHOHOHOH

 **CatDaddy** : OHOHOHOH

 **OwlDaddy** : OHOHOHOH

 **FutureAce** : Oikawa is a very attractive man!!!

 **SaltierThanU** : Shut up

 **MiracleBoy** : IS SHIRABU JEALOUS

 **Y'all:** Lol Shirabu's in pain

 **Reon** : Why am I still here

 **Watario** :Everyone here is so... strange

 **SadDogChan** : You're one tot alk Watari

 **Watario** : :) I know your secrets

 **Mom** : I knew there was a reason you and Yahaba are friends

 **Saltykawa** : NOW IF WE'RE TALKIN BODIES

 **Saltykawa** : YOU GOT A PERFECT ONE SO PUT IT ON ME

 **Saltykawa** : SWEAR IT WONT TAKE YOU LONG

 **Saltykawa** : IF YOU LOVE ME RIGHT

 **Saltykawa** : WE FUCK FOR LIFE, ON AND ON AND ON

 **OwlDaddy** : Oikawa is in Tokyo with Akaashi

 **OwlDaddy** : It's a friday night can someone pls get him

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : I don't have a car

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : I'm really worried

 **SwanDaddy** : I'll go get him

 **KuniNO** : Is that smart??

 **SwanDaddy** : Probably not, but I have a car

 **SwanDaddy** : Plus, I have a feeling this has to do with Iwaizumi

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : We haven't given you any sign that something was wrong, what makes you think you can butt in?

 **SwanDaddy** : Because I'm sure Oikawa told you about his and I's one night stand a year ago

 **SwanDaddy** : Besides, he acts out when it comes to you

 **SwanDaddy** : I've learned love is like a brick, you can build a house or sink a dead body with it

 **MiracleBoy** : He GaGa'd you

 **MiracleBoy** : Also?????

 **MiracleBoy** : I never knew about the 1 night stand

 **SwanDaddy** : It was before we were dating

 **CawCaw** : WAIT JAPAN IS DATING HIS WEIRD MIDDLE BLOCKER

 **CrowDaddy** : You never told us!

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : Pick me up Ushiwaka

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : We need to talk anyways

 **Yahabae** : I just got a call from Oikawa

 **Yahabae** : (Audio file submitted)  
_"Yahoo~ Yaha-kun, can you make me nachos and mail them to tokyo??? Keiji and I are STARVING, or send me Iwa-chan that'd be a tasty meal"_

 **SadDogChan** : Saving that file and playing it over the speakers at practice

 **Meme1** : You're not bad Kyouken

 **CawCaw** : BUT ISNT THAT MEAN

 **Mom** : Oh hun

 **SkittleStealer** : oh hun

 **Noya** : Oh hun

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** lol thats gay

 **KuniNO** : Lol that's gay

 **Kindaichi** : AKIRA W HY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all probs wondering "but wasn't semi and Tendou a thing?????" Y'all just gotta wait.


	20. Saltykawa and his Insta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FutureAce: especially his asphyxiation pics with the bruises around his neck and the bright red lipstick
> 
> FutureAce: huge turn on tbh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but like I'm IwaOi trash and yes. Yes I needed to include this fight me *fisticuffs*

_[2:56 a.m.]_

**Saltykawa** : Kms

 **Saltykawa** : I woke up in a car with Iwachan and Ushiwaka

 **Saltykawa** : and theyre singing to marina and the diamons

 **GentleGiant** : That's the oppsoite of an issue though...

 **SkittleStealer** : did y'all know that Oikawa has a insta???? He's like super popular???

 **Saltykawa** : oh no...

 **SaltierThanU** : yeah I follow him

 **Y'all** : same

 **Noya** : same

 **KuniNO** : same

 **Lol-Thats-Gay** : same

 **SexGod** : we have a combined insta similar to his but it's us

 **GentleGiant** : I really like Oikawas insta

 **EnNOSHITa** : same tbh he's v pretty in the highs and garters

 **Saltykawa** : IWA-CHAN DOESNT KNOW ABOUT THIS GUYS PLS

 **Saltykawa** : it's v embarrassing he'd make fun of me

 **Watario** : oh hun

 **Watario** : he'd get a hard on just at your profile pic

 **Saltykawa** : but like.... ????

 **SexGod** : if you don't let him find out I will give him he link to OUR insta

 **WhateverThefuckSeijouIsDaddy** : what's his username???

 **WhateverThefuckSeijouIsDaddy** : can't believe you'd think I'd make fun of u

 **WhateverThefuckSeijouIsDaddy** : unless it's like ur AO3 acct which is all about XFiles and Star Trek

 **FutureAce** : it's AlienFucker and he has really aesthetically pleasing snaps of himself

 **FutureAce** : especially his asphyxiation pics with the bruises around his neck and the bright red lipstick

 **FutureAce** : huge turn on tbh

 **Reon** : ......

 **Taichi** : ....

 **SaltierThanU** : !!!!!!

 **Y'all** : ....

 **SwanDaddy** : Goshiki I am concerned with how you know about that?

 **WhateverThefuckSeijouIsDaddy** : Tooru 

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDady** : my house

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : now

 **GentleGiant** : anyways....

 **GentleGiant** : Can I ask something???

 **Noya** : 'course you can boo

 **GentleGiant** : how did we all forget

 **GentleGiant** : About Futakuchi

 **GentleGiant** : and wasn't semi dating Tendou???

 **GentleGiant** : but Ushijima said he was dating Tendou???

 **Gucci** : Asahi

 **Gucci** : the only bitch making sense since 2012

 **Y'all** : I'm dating Ushijima

 **GentleGiant** : oh I'm so lost

 **CatDaddy** : OT3 my good man

 **OwlDaddy** : get some Ushi hot damn, two bfs???

 **Mr.Fuck-Your-Bitch** : I was reading through the chat

 **Mr.Fuck-Your-Bitch** : plus like.... I knew Teru was with Daishou

 **Mr.Fuck-Your-Bitch:** he's cheating on Daishiu w me

 **CatDaddy** : dude

 **Lol-Thats-Gay** : here it comes

 **Saltishima** : I'm leaving

 **CatDaddy** : how could you??

 **CatDaddy** : srsly Daishou doesn't deserve that like wtf 

 **Mr.Fuck-Your-Bitch:** wasn't my choice. I told him to tell him

 **OwlDaddy** : oh for gosh sake

 **OwlDaddy** : DAISHOU KNOWS HE DIESNT CARE

 **OwlDaddy** : he said he and Teru have an open relationship

_[9:06 a.m.]_

_**Saltykawa has added OwlDaddy, CatDaddy, SwanDaddy, CrowDaddy, SkittleStealer, Mom, Gucci, FutureAce, SaltierThanU, SexGod, Lol-Thats-Gay and Y'all to the chat Super Secret Marriage Proposal** _

**Saltykawa** : btw I no longer have to use makeup to make it look like I was choked c;

 **CatDaddy** : fuckin nasty

 **Saltykawa** : I wanna propose to Iwachan

 **OwlDaddy** : oh no

 **CrowDaddy** : oh no

 **CatDaddy** : oh no

 **SwanDaddy** : But Iwaizumi plans to propose to you???

 **Saltykawa** : WAIT EHAT

 **Mom** : Oh my

 **Mom** : This seems serious

 **SaltierThanU** : why is Goshiki here? 

 **FutureAce** : bc babe

 **FutureAce** : I'm a great party olanner

 **SkittleStealer** : So wait.... My parents are getting married? 

 **SaltierThanU** : why aren't your teammates here???

 **Saltykawa** : bc they would never lie to Iwaizumi

 **Saltykawa** : maybe I should wait for him to propose

 **SwanDaddy** : he will this weekend

 **Saltykawa** : WAIT ITS SATURDAY

 **SwanDaddy** : then he will do it today

 **Mom** : smh Ushijima

 **Lol-Thats-Gay** : why was I added??

 **SexGod** : probs to do your thing

 **Lol-Thats-Gay** : lol this is super gay

_[10:05 p.m.]_

**WhateverThefuckSeijouIsDaddy** : Tooru come over to my house please

 **CatDaddy** : OYAOYAOYAOYA

 **OwlDaddy** : OYAOYAOYAOYA

 **SwanDaddy** : oya

* * *

When Yahaba arrived to the Spot™ he didn't expect almost everyone to be there already. "It's about damn time" Shirabu had huffed to Yahaba as his arms were snaked around his taller boyfriends waist.

"You and Goshiki are actually really cute" Yahaba said with a smirk, he knew Shirabu would bury his face in Goshiki's back in embarrassment.

 "Guys shut up, They're arriving!" Kageyama had hissed. He seemed the most excited for this, along with Kindaichi, Matsukawa, Hanamaki and surprisingly Kunimi. When Oikawa recognized the old run down movie theater in the middle of a town the two had only been to once he immediately went wide eyes.

"Iwa-chan you-" Iwaizumi cuts him off and clears his throat.

"What are they saying?" Suga whispered from where they were. They weren't really hiding, instead they were in winter gear huddled around a coffee stand as the snow fell around them quietly. They stood near a lampost that illuminated the falling snow as the darkness of night surrounded.

"Oika- I mean Tooru" Iwaizumi let out a soft chuckle and Oikawas smile was brightly visible. "We went on our fist date here." At this point people were watching them interested in what was going on. Although Iwaizumi looked uncomfortable that people were watching but he continued on. "You took me to see that really retarded Guardians of the Galaxy movie" at this point Oikawa erupted into laughter.

"Iwa-chan, you, yourself said that Chris Pratt had a great butt. You love that movie!" Oikawa took Iwaizumi's hands and kissed them softly causing the more stoic man to blush even more.

"Shut up trashikawa I'm being romantic" Oikawa did stop but never let go of the hands. "Anyways. We knew each other since we were like eight months old when you moved next door and had been inseparable ever since. I remember seeing you the night of our first date and saying I'd never love you more, but here I am getting ready to literally _kneel_ before you and ask you to marry me because, God damnit, you somehow made me love you more than that time"

Oikawa was getting teary eyed as Iwaizumi knelt down in the snow on the first step of the old, run down movie theater. "Oikawa Tooru would you have the honor of being Iwaizumi Tooru?" 

Oikawa hiccuped through his tears and burst out laughing. "Oh-oh my god Iwa-chan, th-that was so corny." Iwaizumi was about to yell but Oikawa pulled him into a kiss and mumbled something to him that the group didn't get to hear.

It wasn't until they saw the ring being put on a sobbing Oikawa's finger that they all ran out and ambushed the two newly engaged into a bone crushing hug. Yahaba noticed that Kyoutani rushed slightly towards them but slowed down not wanting to be noticed. "You can be happy for them" He says quietly grabbing Kyoutani's hand who Huff's and nods joining the hug.

* * *

_[11:15 p.m.]_

**Saltykawa** : GUESS WHO GOT ENGAGED BITCHES

 **OwlDaddy** : CONGRATS IWAIZUMI!

 **SexGod** : may all the choking bring you peace

 **CatDaddy** : may the thongs settled disputes

 **OwlDaddy** : May the garter belts keep up your love

 **Lol-Thats-Gay** : may you and your future hubby have mind blowing sex with all that lace

 **CawCaw** : man Tokyo is wild

 **KuniNO** : this is rlly gay

 **KuniNO** : I approve

 **CrowDaddy** : in all seriousness, really, congratulations you two!

 **Mom** : are you going to get married soon?

 **Saltykawa** : we talked about next December, on the anniversary of when he proposed and on the anniversary of our first date.

 **SwanDaddy** : you both are very young, marrying while you're in college will be tough

 **Meme1** : oh fuck off Ushiwaka

 **Meme2** : Chill babe he means well this tiem

 **SwanDaddy** : I do

 **Saltykawa** : THATS WHAT ILL BE SAYING IN A YEAR FROM NOW BITCHES

 **Saltykawa** : we just told my mom and she broke out crying and handed Iwachans mom 500 yen and yelled at us for not proposing after college

 **FutureAce** : lol

 **GentleGiant** : you two are very sweet together. Will you be getting a apartment?

 **SaltierThanU** : if I may put my two cents in

 **Yahabae** : oh fuck off salt mound

 **SaltierThanU** : I believe you two will make it work, Oikawa you're a very strong setter and a very good Captain and although Yahaba will never be you like ever you did leave the team in ok hands

 **SaltierThanU** : you two will make a great married couple.

 **Yahabae** : even saying something nice he finds something to be shitty about

 **Saltykawa** : thank you all... So much

 **Lol-Thats-Gay** : lol this is rlly gay

 **KuniNO** : this is super gay lol


	21. Bachelor's party??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I am unveiling unto you, my dear, sweet, summer child my strategic and devious plans of making you wear glasses at my wedding, and to rub salt in the wound everyone of my groomsmen will also being wearing glasses of the exact same type." Oikawa throws his head back laughing and continues on "You think i chose you as my groomsmen because we were friends?! No! It's because I want to humiliate you!" Oikawa throws his head back bending his knees and throwing his arms in the air laughing maniacally, phone in one hand and a churro in the other wearing a Minnie Mouse dress. He didn't look threatening at all Yahaba thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to RandomSoul for being amazing <3 ilysm you've been so great with the comments!! Y'all are invited to our wedding btw.

_[4:35 a.m.]_

**FutureAce** : I BE UP IN THE CLUB

 **CawCaw** : ON A TUESDAY

 **Saltishima** : shut your mouth before I stick a Volleyball down your throat Hinata.

 **Mom** : I know we don't talk much in this chat much

 **SaltierThanU** : Thats bc we all have groupchats where we somehow interact wiht others

 **Yahabae** : we remade the setters chat, the first years have a chat, so do the second years, the next gen captains, the aces, the middle blockers, the liberos etc

 **Mom** : ANYWAYS

 **Mom** : Oikawa what's the plan for you bachelor party?

 **Saltykawa** : OH YEAH DID YOU GUYS GET THE WEDDING INVITES???

 **Saltykawa** : Kyouken made them

 **SadDogChan** : Shut up

 **Saltishima** : I, unfortunately, cannot go.

 **Mom** : I'll smooth talk his family into letting him go.

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : Disney is our bachelor party, we're going a week before the wedding

 **Saltykawa** : Yep! Four nights at the Wilderness Lodge and the last three nights at Disney's Grand Floridian.

 **Saltykawa** : The best men are Sugawara and Hanamaki and the officiate we don't know, my parents wont tell us

 **Meme1** : This is all too real and serious.

 **SaltierThanU** : I would suck a dick to go to disney

 **FutureAce** : You do suck dick

 **MiracleBoy** : GOSHIKI IS GETTING SALTIER THE LONGER HE DATES YOU

 **MiracleBoy** : YOU'RE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO DATE MY SON

 **FutureAce** : What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll shit fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now, lad.

 **CatDaddy** : ˙ʇı ןןɐɔ noʎ ɹǝʌǝʇɐɥʍ ɹo ,ɐʇǝq, pǝɹǝpısuoɔ buıǝq ɟo ʞɔıs ɯ,ı ˙ʇı ʇnoqɐ ʎɹɔ oʇ ǝɯ oʇ ʞןɐʇ ʎןuo puɐ ‘ʇıɥs ǝʞıן ɯǝɥʇ ʇɐǝɹʇ oɥʍ sʎnb bɐqǝɥɔnop ɹǝʇɟɐ ob sʎɐʍןɐ sןɹıb ǝsǝɥʇ puǝ ǝɥʇ uı ˙ʎpɐן,ɯ ɹoɟ buıɥʇʎuɐ op pןnoʍ puɐ ‘qoظ ǝɔıu ɐ ʞɹoʍ ‘ʎnb ǝɔıu ɐ ɯ,ı ˙ǝuoz puǝıɹɟ ǝɥʇ uı ʇnd buıǝq sʎɐʍןɐ ı ɯɐ ʎɥʍ

 **SwanDaddy** : That’s it, I’m done. Fuck this chat. It’s devolved into a mass of retarded copy pastes and face spam. The quality of discord chat has been declining for a while, but this is the last straw. That’s it. I’m done. I’m uninstalling the internet, chopping off my dick and moving to fucking Antarctica, at least the bacteria there will be fucking smarter discourse

 **SexGod** : .......

 **Saltykawa** : USHIWAKA JUST FUCKING MEME'D

 **Meme1** : So proud

 **Meme2** : 'You should've come to Shiratorizawa"

 **Saltykawa** : REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 **CawCaw** : WAIT HOWS THE SEX SUNCE YOU GOT ENGAGED

 **Mom** : HINATA NO

 **CawCaw** : i'M ASKING FOR A FRIEND

 **Saltykawa** : Yes ;D

 **SaltierThanU** : God I love grilled cheese sandwhiches

 **FutureAce** : Is it because you like hot goo in your mouth

 **Gucci** : Eyyyy

 **Mom** : YAMgUccI!!

 **Y'all:** GOshIKi!!

 **SwanDaddy** : You've upset your mother

 **CawCaw** : i can't believe im going to america!!!

 **Kindaichi** : Wait who are the groomsmen?

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : we thought our team but we wouldn't know how to split them so we went with the people who helped us with the proposal.

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : With me it was the "Protect Bokuto Koutaru 2K17" chat

 **CatDaddy** : Ey

 **CrowDaddy** : :D

 **OwlDaddy** : C:

 **SwanDaddy** : Thank you

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : But with added Best men Matsukawa and Hanamaki since they've been behind us ever since the beginning and Kyoutani

 **SadDogChan** : Wait what

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : I want you as a groomsmen

 **KuniNO** : Congrats

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Guys my hand is stuck in the shower drain

 **SexGod** : Why??

 **CatDaddy** : He probably dropped a game cartridge in it

 **Watario** : Why would he have it in his bath!?

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** I was taking a bath and playing my ds.

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** I drained the water

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** When the water was gone i took the game out to put a new one in but it slid off the counter and down the drain it went.

 **CatDaddy** : omw

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** Thank

 **SaltierThanU** : Lol

 **FutureAce** : I'm cold

 **SaltierThanU** : Then put on warm clothes tf??

 **FutureAce** : .....

 **MiracleBoy** : lol he was asking you to go over

 **SaltierThanU** : O H

 **SaltierThanU** : omw

 **CrowDaddy** : Hows everyone doing at college?

 **Saltykawa** : Great, criminal justice is interesting.

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : Please don't tell them what you tell me over dinner

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : Or send them the pictures you show me from your classes those are fucked up

 **Saltykawa** : Like your ripped tendon pics are any better!

 **SexGod** : So domestic awe

 **KuniNO** : Lol that's gay

 

* * *

**_Week before the wedding_ **

_[10:05 a.m.]_

"I can't believe we're at Disney!" Yahaba said bouncing up and down grabbing hold of Kyoutani's hand tightly. He looked over to the rest of the wedding party which was just the groomsmen.

"Where are the lovebirds?" Hanamaki asked leaning against a pole.

"Right here my darling friends!" Oikawa was glowing and holding onto Iwaizumi's hand with their fingers laced. He was wearing a shirt that said 'I'm the groom' with Iwaizumi having a matching shirt. "Everyone gets a shirt, the back has your names on it, Suga, Makki, and Mattsun have their names with the best man title on it." Everyone rolled their eyes but took the shirts and put them on anyways.

"We are splitting up today" Iwaizumi said kissing Oikawa's hand.

"you two are so gross, ugh, lets go" Shirabu said huffing and stomping through the gates of the Magic Kingdom. Oikawa basically led the way with the other setters trailing along having their own fun, it wasn't until Oikawa stopped in a shop and saw a Minnie Mouse dress in an American 1950's style.

"Iwa-chan would die if he saw me in this...." Oikawa grinned and bought the dress with Suga snickering in the background and even Shirabu laughing a little. They saw the groom run off the a bathroom and quickly come out in the dress with a bow, he even had one of the Minnie Mouse ears on.

"You look good Oikawa" Kageyama smiled a little bit and Oikawa slid his arm in lock with Kageyama's.

"I know my dear kouhai, I know" Oikawa chuckled a little bit and smiles down to him. "You didn't turn out too bad Tobio" Kageyama look surprised and Oikawa continued on. "You're great at volleyball and I'm glad you learned from me, and I really am sorry for middle school".

"Oikawa..." Kageyama was about to say something but Oikawa slid his arm away and squealed.

"Iwa-chan!" Oikawa leapt at his fiance and hugged him tightly. Iwaizumi looked completely shocked and looked down at what Oikawa was wearing. Iwaizumi's face lit up a bright red immediatly.

"this is so gay" Shirbau chuckled and Yahaba couldn't help but join in. Oikawa smirked and turned around in the middle of the crowd of people waiting for the fireworks to start.

"Oho Shirabu, you've been making comments about my glasses all day maybe its time to..." Oikawa trailed off and his smirk grew. "I am unveiling unto you, my dear, sweet, summer child my strategic and devious plans of making you wear glasses at my wedding, and to rub salt in the wound everyone of my groomsmen will also being wearing glasses of the exact same type." Oikawa throws his head back laughing and continues on "You think i chose you as my groomsmen because we were friends?! No! It's because I want to humiliate you!" Oikawa throws his head back bending his knees and throwing his arms in the air laughing maniacally, phone in one hand and a churro in the other wearing a Minnie Mouse dress. He didn't look threatening at all Yahaba thought. "Remember when we were on our way to Tokyo to do karaoke and you made fun of my kouhai and I?!" Oikawa is grinning "this is my payback!"

"What?" Shirabu chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow. "you have to humiliate me because that's the only way you'd ever be able to beat anything having to do with Shiratorizawa?" Oikawa had a murderous look in his gaze and Iwaizumi took his hands trying to stifle laughter.

"Oikawa, the fireworks are getting ready" Iwaizumi grinned to Shirabu as he pulled his fiance away.

"But Iwa-chan" Oikawa whined and Yahaba thought it was cute.

"Iwaizumi has been worried about him all day" Kyoutani says quietly taking Yahaba's hand. He looked to his boyfriend and gave a small chuckle.

"Oikawa thought as much, it's like they're on the same wave length...." Kyoutani lets out a gruff laugh and presses a kiss to Yahaba's temple.

"So.. glasses?" Yahaba could hear the smirk in Kyoutani's voice and his face felt hot.

"Y-yeah..."

* * *

 

Oikawa couldn't believe this was his life at the moment, here he was with the love of his life watching fireworks at the Happiest Place on Earth™ when the castle lit up with the song A Tale as Old As Time from Beauty and the Beast. "Shittykawa look at me" Oikawa jumped in surprise and looked to his shorter boyfriend who was holding out a rose to him.

"Awh, how sappy and romantic" Tendou's voice cut in and Oikawa felt irked, Ushijima had his arms around his two boyfriends and held them close, the only reason Tendou tagged along today was because he paid for himself and stuck close to Ushijima.

"It's so unfuckin' fair that the big purple volleyball nerd got two boyfriends in a matter of months and it took you and I three years to dance around our Big Gay Crush" Oikawa huffed and took the rose gently, Iwaizumi just laughed in a response and pressed a kiss to Oikawa's cheek.

When the night was over and everyone was heading back to their rooms Oikawa and Iwaizumi was stopped by Bokuto, Kuroo, Hanamaki, Matsukawa and Suga. "you two aren't allowed to see eachother before the wedding, when we arrive at the Grand Floridian you two will not be in the same room, you will be restricted from seeing each other the two days prior, and you will not know what room the other is in" Suga said with a firm no-nonsense tone in his voice.

"W-What!? That's not fair!" Oikawa whined and Iwaizumi snorts and agrees to the idea. The rest of the week involved hoping from one park to another and when it finally got to the night before the weeding Oikawa was already having withdrawals from not being able to see Iwaizumi a whole day before. They decided to hold Oikawa's bachelor party in the room because Oikawa didn't want to go out.

"Truth or dare Yahaba" Shirabu whistled, it was Oikawa's bachelor party and currently his groomsmen sat in a room with him playing truth or dare at three a.m. on his wedding day.

"I'm not a pussy, dare me Shira-bitch" Yahaba snapped and Shirabu's grin grew dark.

"I dare you to call your boy toy up and just bark into the phone" the night went on like that and around five in the morning is when everyone decided to get some sleep.

* * *

_[5:07 a.m.}_

**Mom** : btw Iwaizumi, Oikawa, your rooms where right across from each other :D

 **Saltykawa** : YOU ASSHOLE

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the wedding chapter (final chapter) is already over halfway done and I just got really lazy with the end of this and this is now just plain self-indulgence.


	22. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No Iwa-chan!" Oikawa hiccuped wiping at his eyes. "Your vows are better than mine!" The whole audience erupted into laughter and even Iwaizumi and Oikawa broke out into muffled giggles. When everyone calmed down Oikawa slipped a ring on Iwaizumi's finger and started up his vows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is the end!!! This was purely self indulgent!!! This wasn't supposed to have a plot at all but I'm a sucker for IwaOi and I needed a wedding to make me happy.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos, comments and everything!! I'm so honored!!

_[2:09 p.m.]_

**SaltierThanU** : Why are us setters groomsmen?? Why not your team???

 **Yahabae** : Kyoutani is with the captains as Iwaizumi's groomsmen

 **Saltykawa** : let's get hitchdf n steal the goldn snitch mthr fuckers

 **Mom** : Oikawa PleAsE

 **SkittleStealer** : I can't believe Kunimi agreed to be the ring bearer and Iwaizumi little sister the flower girl that's so cute I can't.

 **SexGod** : Would it be I'm bad taste to show up to a wedding and give the groom weed??

 **Mom** : WTF YES 

 **Saltykawa** : WTF NO ITS MY WEDDING DAY

 **Mom** : IM YOUR BEST MAN SHUT RF UP U CUNT

 **SaltierThanU** : damn no way to speak to the groom smh

 **Y'all** : shut TF up Shirabu ur a little shit

 **Mom** : Oikawa I really like the hotel you booked for us here it's like so nice?? 

 **Mom** : who knew America was actually really nice

 **SaltierThanU** : I can't believe Iwaizumi agreed to a Disney Wedding wtf

 **SexGod** : he probably secretly loved all things Disney

 **Saltykawa** : he does. Fox and the Hound makes him cry like a little bitch I love him so much he v cute

 **Saltykawa** : The Grand Floridian is a beautiful hotel. I'm glad they're letting us hold the wedding outside on the green with the castle as the background and the reception hall is huge!

 **SkittleStealer** : you worried Oikawa? 

 **Saltykawa** : definitely, but I love him so meh

 **Saltykawa** : too bad idk where Iwachans room is we've been here for three days already and I haven't been able to see him bc some assholes wouldn't tell me until this morning

 **SexGod** : one of those assholes is my boyfriend shut your fuck

 **Yahabae** : wait whose Iwaizumi's best man??

 **Saltykawa** : I think it's Kyoutani...

 **Yahabae** : It isn't. It's Hanamaki and Matsukawa

 **Saktykawa** : fuck

* * *

 

**Three Hours before the wedding: Oikawa**

"Oikawa! Open up!" Sugas voice rang through the door and Oikawa opened quickly to reveal  that he was still dressed in black sports shorts a blue tank top and his glasses on whereas Suga was ready to go with his blazer flung over his shoulder.

"Iwaizumi has a glasses kink. Should I wear them during the wedding?" Oikawa asked yawning.

"You did not just wake up did you?!" Suga screeched running in the room and slamming the door shut. 

"Uhm... Yes?" Oikawa looked dazed and Suga blinked.

"Your wedding is in three hours..." Oikawa's eyes went slightly larger and he muttered shit as he started ripping his clothes off. Suga sent a text into the group chat asking for Shirabu, Yahaba and Akaashi to come immediately as he explained the situation. Oikawa jumped in the shower and quickly washed his hair and cleaned himself up. During the time of his bath the three backup groomsmen came to the rescue and got his suit ready and Shirabu got a makeup kit out.

"Alright alright. Blow dry my hair" Oikawa sat down quickly and ripped the towel off quickly as everyone got to work. Akaashi was busy making sure the suit was all put together, Yahaba worked on his hair and Shirabu did the makeup. It was something normal, foundation to cover up the " _pimples_ " the groom thought he had, some mascara to make his eyelashes thicker and slight eyeliner that drove Iwaizumi crazy. This process took about an hour and a half, when everything was done and he started dressing Suga quickly slid the glasses into the bathroom. 

"Wear them, he loves them". When Oikawa came out of the bathroom he looked stunning, his hair was natural so it curled on its own, he had the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up to above his elbows showing off his muscular forearms. white dress shirt blended in with the white vest and white pants. the only color in his suit was the paten leather black shoes and the light 'seijou blue' bow tie. Everyone else had the white pants and white vest, but also the light blue undershirt and an actual light blue tie.

"You look very good Oikawa-san" Akaashi said with a small smile.

"Oh my God Akaashi, put a paper bag over your face, you're not allowed to look prettier than me on my wedding day"

* * *

 

**Three hours before the wedding: Iwaizumi**

 "Iwaizumi c'mon dude. Chill" Kuroo said with a yawn as he lounges on the couch with he legs sprawled over Bokuto and Daichi's lap.

 "I just can't chill Tetsurou this is my wedding day." Iwaizumi paled as he looked in the mirror. This was his fifth time trying to tie the tie right. "Maybe I'm not ready to get married".

"Woah, woah, woah" Bokuto shook his head "no, Oikawa would kill you, then us!"

"Iwaizumi I'm sure everything will be fine. You just have pre-wedding jitters, let me give you a back massage and Daichi can tie your tie." Ushijima spoke up right as he walked in the room holding a bag with him

"I actually don't know how to tie a tie" Daichi said tilting his head and waving a clip on tie. Bokuto and Kuroo followed suit waving their clip on bowties.

"I can tie it for you" Kyoutani spoke up looking slightly out of place among the men.. "also isn't this a little too many groomsmen?"

"Kyouken, nothing says anything bout a set number of hot groomsmen" Matsukawa said with Hanamaki in his lap. Iwaizumi wasn't up for the banter. Instead he sat down on the edge of the bed and let Ushijima work his shoulders.

"Iwaizumi, may I come in?" Yahabae asked through the door and Iwaizumi sighs and nods.

"Y-Yeah". 

"Holy shit" Everyone looked back to Kyoutani who had his mouth dropped open at the sight of his boyfriend. Yahaba looked good, he was wearing a white suit with a light blue bow tie and a light blue shirt under his vest and blazer. Iwaizumi also noted how he was wearing glasses. "I-I mean...."

"Aw, Kyoutani how sweet of you to admit I look absolutely stunning" Yahaba said with a small smirk causing Kyoutani's face to flare up with a bright red color. "Anyways, as much as I love torturing you, that's not why I'm here" Yahaba sat in a chair across from Iwaizumi and grins. "Oikawa woke up like an hour ago" Iwaizumi huffed.

"Course he did, the asshole doesn't get enough sleep!" Iwaizumi seemed to relax talking to Yahaba and with Ushijima giving him a back massage.

"Here, lemme get your tie. Did ya' know I taught Kentarou?" Kuroo snickered with Matsukawa and Hanamaki upon learning the new information about the tough looking kid.

"No, please tell us more" Hanamaki laughed and Kyoutani went to lunge for him.

"Well, I took him to my older sisters wedding, and he said he wasn't going to wear a tie" Yahaba laughed finishing Iwaizumi's tie. "And there was no way in hell he was gonna go to the wedding without a tie" Yahaba glanced at Kyoutani with a smirk.

The other male calmed down and smirked back. "Since you're so invested in telling everyone this story with the tie, why not tell them what we used it for afterwards?" Yahaba blushed darkly and shook his head.

"Nope, I'm good." Everyone laughed and even Iwaizumi seemed much more relaxed. "Also, we had to use Oikawa's back up suit"

"Wait, Oiks has a back up suit?" Daichi asked slightly amused.

"Yeah, Suga made him get one, said there was no way someone as clumsy as him was only getting one white suit."

"Wait what happened?" Iwaizumi chuckled. 

"He spilled grape juice on his first one. We are all in his room watching Alien v. Predator and when there was a jump scare he spilled his grape juice all over it" That got everyone in the room laughing, even Ushijima smiled a small bit. "Well I've got to get going, surprisingly Oikawa isn't a bridezilla, instead he's still half asleep." Yahaba sighed. "I was actually on my way down to get some coffee for him." Yahaba waved and headed out of the room.

* * *

_[3:42 p.m.]_

**SwanDaddy** : I've been asked to document what has just happened.

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : Ushijima don't you fucking do it

 **SwanDaddy** : I'm loyal to my hoes

 **SwanDaddy** : Iwaizumi ripped his tie so he has to use Matsukawa's

 **Saltykawa** : no fucking way!

 **Saltykawa** : og mt gid

 **SexGod** : he means oh my god, hes laughing rlly hard rn

 **Mom** : IF WE ARE EMBARESSING THE SOON TO BE MARRIED COUPLE I GOT A STORY

 **Saltykawa** : SONT OU FUCJIN DARE

 **Mom** : OIKAWA WOKE UP LATE RIGHT

 **Mom** : WELL YAHABA CAME BACK TO THE ROOM WITH COFFEE AND OIKAWA WAS ASLEEP AGAIN

 **Mom** : AKAASHI WENT TO GET SOME FOOD

 **Mom** : SHIRABU WENT TO FIND GOSHIKI BC HINATA SAID THAT GOSHIKI HAD AN ISSUE AND IT WAS SERIOUS

 **Mom** : AND I WAS GETTING DRESSED, I HAD TO HEAD BACK TO MY ROOM

 **Mom** : WHEN YAHABA WOKE UP OIKAWA HE DECKED HIM

 **Mom** : OIKAWA FUCKIN PUNCHED HIS KOUHAI

 **CatDaddy** : IM DYING WTF OIKAWA

 **Saltykawa** : Now Yahaba has this ugly ass bruise on his face

 **Yahabae** : Makes me look tough tbh

 **Yahabae** : I'm not even gonna cover it up with makeup, I'm going to tell this story during my speech at the wedding

 **Yahabae** : Also, you never want Oikawa to punch you

 **Yahabae** : Have you seen his serve? Lets just say be happy that wasn't the strength he put in hitting me

 **Meme1** : SPEAKING OF SPEACHES

 **Meme2** : DON'T WORRY WE DIDN'T PLAN OUR BEST MAN SPEECH

 **Mom** : Oh I did!

 **CrowDaddy** : I'm so proud of you Suga!

 **CawCaw** : CAN SOMEONE OTHER THAN SHIRABU COME TO GOSHIKI'S ROOM

 **CawCaw** : SHIRABU WAS MEAN AND GOSHIKI IS NEEDING ASSISTANCE

 **Y'all:** Tendou and I are on our way

 **WhateverTheFuckSeijouIsDaddy** : I can't wait to see you Tooru

 **Saltykawa** : I can't wait to see you either Hajime

 **KuniNO** : lol gay

 **Lol-That's-Gay:** lol gay

 **Kindaichi** : It's literally their wedding wtf you two

* * *

 

Iwaizumi was waiting by Matsukawa who surprised Iwaizumi with the fact he was officiating the wedding. "Relax Iwaizumi, Oikawa is going to have you in his clutches and you're going to be trapped forever, but you'll be alright with that because its _Oikawa_ " Matsukawa jokes.

"I'm just.... Worried?" Iwaizumi lets out a sigh and Kurooclears his throat behind him.

"Well lover boy, you spent about six hours last night working on your vows" Iwaizumi looked back to Kuroo and nodded sighing softly.

"Don't worry!" Big arms flung themselves around Iwaizumi in a tight hug. "You're gonna do great!" Bokuto lets go of a now winded Iwaizumi who just nods as the last of the guest take their seats.

"He's running late" Kyoutani stated deadpanned and that did not help Iwazumi's nerves much.

"Move please! Oh my god move please!" Oikawa's shrieks were heard as he ran up to Matsukawa and Iwaizumi. He looked tired and Yahaba trailed behind him holding a coffee and handing it to Oikawa's mother as he stands behind the groom.

"you're late captain" Matsukawa says with a snicker. Beside the little flop in the beginning the ceremony ran smoothly, Oikawa's mother was already crying by time they got to their vows.

"I, uh, remember trying not to stare at you the night that I first took you on a date." Iwaizumi clears his throat uncomfortably and showing obvious signs of not being used to spreading his feelings in front of people. "You had me mezmorized, and four hours later on your front porch under the light we were taking 45 minutes to kiss goodnight, and i hadn't told you yet, but I thought I loved you then".

Oikawa took Iwaizumi's hands and he seemed to relax at the action and smiled up to Oikawa. "And now you're my whole life, and now you're my whole world and I honestly just can't believe the way I feel about you". Iwaizumi brings Oikawa's hands to his lips and kisses them softly speaking against them. "I remember taking you back to right where our first date was, you were so surprised. There were allot of people around and I didn't care I just got down on one knee right there and once again I really thought I loved you then." At this point Iwaizumi was crying softly and everyone was holding their breaths. No one was used to such an emotionally constipated man being so emotional about a egotistical king, but then again there was so much to both of them that only they knew

"I can just see you playing with a son or daughter, and I can just see you when your hair is turning gray" at this point he dropped Oikawas hand and ruffled his hair getting a little giggle from his soon to be husband. "What I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love you more, but I've said that before..." Iwaizumi smiles up to Oikawa who looks on the verge of crying right there. "Hey, Tooru, don't cry... You're a really ugly crier" that gained a giggle of the audience.

"No Iwa-chan!" Oikawa hiccuped wiping at his eyes. "Your vows are better than mine!" The whole audience erupted into laughter and even Iwaizumi and Oikawa broke out into muffled giggles. When everyone calmed down Oikawa slipped a ring on Iwaizumi's finger and started up his vows.

"Hajime..." He spoke so softly it was almost hard to hear. "Every time our eyes meet I get this feeling inside me, it's almost more than I can take. Baby, when you touch me I can practically feel how much you love me and it just blows me away." Oikawa takes in a deep breath and let's out a shaky laugh. "Whoever says you don't love me is so wrong". Iwaizumi chuckles and nods along.

"I've never been this close to anyone or even anything. I can hear your thoughts, and I can feel your dreams..." Oikawa let's out a giggle at the scrunched up look on Iwaizumi's face. "I don't know how you do what you do, but I'm so in love with you and it just keeps getting better. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you by my side, forever. It's literally everything that you do that makes me amazed by you."

Oikawa's haze turns dark and cunning on Iwaizumi who cocks an eyebrow in response to the smirk he is now getting but Oikawa powers on. "The smell of your skin, the taste of your kiss, the way you whisper in the dark, my hands through your hair it's like you surround me" there's some cat calls and quiet 'hell yeahs' from the line of groomsmen behind Iwaizumi that Oikawa assumed we're from the Meme Team™ and the Tokyo Memes™. "Basically Hajime, you touch ever place in my heart." Oikawa sniles gently, it wasn't one of those fake smiles he used so often in public, no, this was a smile reserved only for Hajime, his Hajime. "Remember when you and I were young, and time practically stood still and love was all we knew. You were the first, so was I, we made love and then you held me as I cried and honestly if you can handle me as I cry then oh my God we are never getting a divorce because no one else can handle me in that state".

The tears in Iwaizumi's eyes quickly went away as he started laughing again. "Oh my God Tooru that's too true, you are an ugly crier" everyone giggled again and as the vows had ended the rest if the ceremony pushed on. When it got to the kiss they didn't even wait for Matsukawa to say the words, instead they latched on and everyone cheered, even Kunimi and Kyoutani.

The reception and dinner was chaotic. Iwaizumi and Oikawa couldn't even eat, every time they went to take a bite Matsukawa or Hanamaki would tap on their glasses to have the couple kiss, but then came the speeches.

"I believe we will go first!" Matsukawa says standing up and pulling his boyfriend with him.

"God kill me now" was all Oikawa muttered leaning into his husband's chest.

"I know y'all are expecting us to say something embarrassing and we kinda are, but we're are also gonna be kinda serious" Hanamaki says with a grin and Matsukawa continues on.

"For three years these two idiots pinned after each other and all of Seijou was just ready to murder them. Especially Iwaizumi"

"Please do not tell this story" Iwaizumi begged and Oikawa perked up telling the two to go on.

"In the words of Iwa-chan dearest he said 'i will never forget the first time that I heard that pretty mouth mutter that dirty word' now if that wasn't embarrassing enough he really shouldn't have told us" Matsukawa snickered "he also said 'I can't even remember what he backed my truck into, but he covered his mouth and his face got red, and just looked so cute. I couldn't even act mad'" Matsukawa smiles to the couple and Hanamaki picks up.

"Another really embarrassing thing is last year on Iwaizumi's birthday Oikawa tried to back a cak-"

"I swear to God Hanamaki!" Oikawa was a bright red and Iwaizumi looked like he was choking on laughter.

"Anyways! Oikawa lost track of time and burnt the cake, literally every smoke detector in their apartment was blaring. Oikawa was damn near in tears and Iwaizumi was trying to hold back laughter as he hugged his fiance." Hanamaki chuckles. "They're in no way perfect, but they try so hard for each other, it's the little imperfections it's the sudden change in plans, or when Oikawa misreads directions and they end up lost for three hours when they were thirty miles away from their apartment. It's those things that make them perfect" Matsukawa and Hanamaki raise their glasses to the couple and sit down silently after hugging both grooms.

"Okay that was sweet and all but I know everyone here wants to hear the really embarrassing stories, and I have all of your backs" Suga said with a dark smirk to Oikawa who looked absolutely mortified.

"I made this groupchat right? It was setters from each Volleyball team and Oikawa was of course included, the chat made us all closer". Suga winked to Oikawa.

"We had a night of kareoke and I have a video of Oikawa singing a song and falling off the stage because he tripped. Mind you he was completely sober" Suga walked over to the computer and out in a us cord and let the video play. Of course everyone laughed and Sugas speech continued on. "You guys don't understand how hopelessly in love Oikawa Tooru was, most likely still is after those vows" Suga whistled "damn Iwaizumi you got game. Nice kill" Iwaizumi snorts and Oikawa blushes softly.

"But in seriousness Oikawa wanted to propose to Iwaizumi, he actually made a separate chat with Iwaizumi's current groomsmen and his current groomsmen to find out how to do it and Ushijima let slip that Iwaizumi already had plans to do it" Iwaizumi chuckled kissing Oikawas cheek. Suga went on and recounted embarrassing stories from the group chat and from meet ups. The next to do a speech was Yahaba.

"Alright mine will be quick and simple, I just want to tell one story." Yahaba chuckles "this is the story of how Oikawa had his big Gay Awakening to his bff" Oikawa turned bright red and Iwaizumi looked interested.

"Tooru you never told me this one" Iwaizumi grinned putting his srm around said man's shoulders.

"That's because it's embarrassing. Oikawa-san here walked in on you changing, now he had seen you change many times but this time you had bruises, you were sweaty and Oiks came out of the locker room and screamed 'im gay' and he fell down" everyone bursted out laughing and Oikawa groaned loudly. Some more speeches were made and eventually it was time to dance. Iwaizumi and Oikawa had the first dance of course but it was awkward as they just kept giggling to each other as the son golayed and barely moved, no one cared, they were happy.

"I was wondering if I could have this next dance?" Ushijima stepped in asking Iwaizumi after their dance was over. Iwaizumi looked to Oikawa expecting _his_ husband to say no but instead he nods and takes the man's hand.

"Ushiwaka, you really need to stop saying that I should have gone to Shiratorizawa" Oikawa says before Ushijima could get a word in. "You have two boyfriends that love you very much, and you constantly telling me that I would've been better at your school is going to make them feel inadequate. Especially Semi" Oikawa let Ushijima lead the dance. "He's a setter too, you telling another setter where to go makes him feel even worse, and imagine how bad it was that a second year took his position" Ushijima just nodded in response.

"I was actually going to say I'm glad you didn't come to Shiratorizawa" Oikawa looked stunned. "You wouldn't have had the option to grow with Iwaizumi like you have, and I would hate to be responsible for you not getting married". Oikawa nodded and was awe struck at Ushijima, the rest of the dance carried on with small talk and Iwaizumi quickly took Oikawa back. It was a peaceful wedding, everyone dancing with each other and jokes being spread around. It was a happy ending.

_[2:49 a.m.]_

**SaltierThanU** : wait which one was Matsukawa and which one was Hanamaki???

 **SaltierThanU** : I mean with the meme username???

 **Meme1** : the world may never know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finished this on mobile so there are some mistakes whoops


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